SLACKERS!!

We've been super great at posting since we had this little girl.  Can you tell?  Our little boogs is 8 weeks old on Thursday.. time flies!  At her 1 month checkup she was 8 pounds, 10 ounces.  That's a 2 pound, 1 ounce gain.  Jamie was a chunky butt so maybe she's trying to follow suit lol.  Buttttttt we did find out that Jamie was being fed rice cereal at around 2-3 months so maybe that had something to do with it :p

We had some cutsie bootsie newborn photos taken of Sophia.  Want to see some??

 www.alexbeephoto.com

 www.alexbeephoto.com

www.alexbeephoto.com

We think she's pretty cute :)  Baby girl is doing really well too!  She pretty much sleeps through the night now, with the exception of waking up at around 3 or 4 to eat.  Other than that she's a big ole sleepy head at night.  She's still in our room, but in a cradle instead of her napper on her pack n play because she has pretty much outgrown that already.  We are really dreading putting her in her crib in her room, but I'm sure that's absolutely normal.  I don't know what we'll do when she spends her first night in her room.  Jamie is still on maternity leave and I am still unemployed so we're getting to spend lots of family time together, which is great.  Jamie will go back to work the second week in January and since I'm unemployed I will be staying home with Sophia.  I'm pretty nervous about having her for 8 hours a day all by myself.  I know her routine with eating, sleeping, playing and potting pretty much so we will see how it goes!  

That's it for now, folks.  Hopefully we'll be better about keeping up with the blog from now on.  Until then… Happy New Year!!!

We Had A Baby!!!

She's here!!
Little miss Sophia Ann was born on November 7, 2013 at 7:56 AM. She weighed 6 pounds 9 ounces and measured 20 inches long.

People tell us she's pretty cute and we tend to agree :)

I'll go ahead and do the best I can to give you all the birth story (this is Courtney btw). I'm sure I'll get a few details wrong, but here we go anyways!

Last Wednesday we went to our regular OB appointment and Jamie was 2 centimeters dilated. The doctor stripped Jamie's membranes really well and was hoping that that alone would send her into labor, but poor little Jamie was so ready to meet our little girl that she started crying and asked what they could do about induction. SO we were told to be at the hospital that night at 8:00 and they would be giving her cervidil. Now cervidil is only supposed to thin the cervix out for labor so it was the general consensus that after 12 hours on the cervidil, they would be giving her pitocin to start labor. The doctor informed us that only about 20% of women go into labor after getting cervidil so we were sure that she would be getting the pitocin the next morning. We go all checked in and she ended up getting the cervidil around 9:30. It was Jamie, myself and her mom in the room and we decided to grab some sleep afterwards. We all woke up around 1:00 when Jamie started having intense contractions. They started to be 7-8 minutes apart, but quickly went to about 3 minutes apart after that and were very painful for her. One of the nurses wanted to pull the cervidil, but they left it in so she would continue contracting. The contractions got so intense that Jamie was vomiting with every contraction and shaking uncontrollably and ended up getting an IV injection or morphine for that pain. She figured out that it did pretty much nothing to help with the pain so around 3 centimeters she ended up getting an epidural. Now I was just sure that they were supposed to pull the cervidil when she got the epidural, but they did not do that and quickly after getting the epidural hers and Sophia's stats started dropping. Jamie's blood pressure went down to something around the 80s/30s and Sophia's heart rate dropped down to the 80s. At this point her mom and myself were sure that she would be getting an emergency c-section. After about 5 minutes of that they started changing Jamie's position and put gas on her to try to improve the situation, but ended up pulling the cervidil and everything got better soon after that. Now after this her dilation progressed just as quickly and the doctor came to check on her around 6:00 and said that she was around 7. By 7:00 she was fully dilated and ready to push. She began pushing a little after 7 due to shift change. Funny, huh? She didn't push long before little girl was born and everything ended up being just fine. We should not have been surprised by this little booger being dramatic, but all is well and we got to take her home on Saturday. Now the fun baby updates begin!

Until next time..

40+3

Well....that's right. I am now officially overdue!! This little girl is very comfy in the house I've made for her for the last now 10 (!!!!) months. My last appointment didn't show much change, Dr. even stripped my membranes, nothing happened. We have a stubborn little girl on our hands. Like I said in my last post we have tried EVERYTHING! to get her to come out...she is on nobody's time but her own, she made that very clear.

I have taken today off work to try to de-stress and relax a little...and walk a lot :). Our next appointment is this Wednesday, I have a feeling we will be talking induction at that time...REALLY not the route I'd like to take, but to keep everyone healthy I will do whatever it takes.

Right now, Court is cooking some breakfast and I am having some coffee and orange juice. This is a pretty boring post, I was hoping the next time I updated it would've been with a birth story...oh well :)

Sophia has other plans. Today is my Grandma's 88th birthday. Our 3rd birthday without her. I wholly believe she has had her hand in this pregnancy from the beginning, maybe she has a trick up her sleeve for today too? Either way, I can't wait to tell this little girl all about her great grandma and the amazing woman she was!

Come on Sophia, we are all ready to meet your sweet face!

38+0

Soooo things are moving along swimmingly. Last week's appointment showed I was 70% effaced and still closed, but she was low. This week's appointment showed that I am not all the way effaced yet, but almost (Courtney and I said we are going to tell ourselves that means I'm 90%)...and I was 1cm on the outside, closed on the inside. Apparently that is normal (for 2nd + moms hahaha) oh well, I knew I'd be a little different than the normal First Time Mom at some point. She also felt her body and said she was in a great position.

I have been rocking, swaying, walking and constantly moving to try to get things in motion. I ate a whole pineapple earlier this week (maybe that had something to do with the dilation on Wednesday?) Anyway...I continue to eat pineapple, because it is so darn tasty and at this point really can't hurt. :) I have been drinking some red raspberry leaf tea...not the tastiest thing ever but I don't mind it. Eating spicy foods and drinking sodas...they have the same effect as spicy foods these days haha. Last night I lost part of my mucus plug. That was weird...it wasn't much, so I imagine I will see more in the days to come. My contractions are becoming more regular...still not consistent, but we are getting there. I know she is still really low, and getting lower by how many times she makes me go pee. My back/hips are more achy...also a good sign she is in the launch position :)

Courtney, love her heart, is so anxious to meet this little one! I am too, but I keep trying to tell myself I know this is all on her time...she is going to come out when she is good and ready. Of course, I'd be happy with an early arrival!! I think 10/20/13 sounds like a great day for a baby, what do you say?

Things really are starting to happen...I know that doesn't mean anything at all, but maybeeeeeee I will be part of the 19% of first time moms to have their baby before their due date. Fingers Crossed!

36+4

How many of you made it all the way to the end of pregnancy without those crazy cravings everyone always talks about? I thought I was doing really great about not craving anything too out of the ordinary...until yesterday. I decided at lunch time I'd have some wavy potato chips with my chocolate ice cream. Then last night before bed (heartburn was acting up) I wanted ice cream...with corn flakes on top. Both were dishes delicious.

Our appointment last week went very well. I don't think I was warned that when the doctor "checks you" it will most likely be uncomfortable. I should've known, duh...Baby girl is clocking in around 5.5lbs. She is very low, in fact the u/s tech had a hard time measuring the top of her head she was so low. I was not dilated yet and she didn't put a % to the effacement, but I'm guessing if anything it wasn't much. I have a feeling that since she has dropped down so much this week will be a different story. We made her check again to make sure she is still a she...I had some pretty weird dreams about twins and not being able to tell what sex one of them was. Shew. All in all things are moving along like they should. I have puffy feet almost every single day now...totally normal as long as my BP stays low and no protein shows up in my urine. I am congested most nights, but I am also up to pee more than I can count so I don't really mind sitting up to sleep :) I still have a pretty high energy level, I am waiting for the extreme drowsiness to kick back in. Apparently this whole not sleeping now thing is getting me ready for the not sleeping when Sophia is here!

We packed most of our hospital bag stuff over the weekend. I have been having lots of loose stools, yes I know you love to read those types of things :) I've read that can be one of the first signs of actual labor. I want to start walking more in the evenings since it has cooled off so much here...it is relaxing and beneficial in the baby moving department. My hips have started to ache more, I think that is also her getting in the ready position. I feel pretty great right now...and I am not taking it for granted, a friend of ours is due in just 5 days and is feeling really miserable. I am hoping her little girl makes an early appearance so Momma can start feeling better!!

Our weekly appointment is tomorrow afternoon. I am hoping for a little more progression than last week...maybe I will go for a walk around the building to up those odds :)

Until next time!

A Little of This And a Little of That!

Hello again! This is going to be a long post because we haven't updated in a while! I seriously almost typed bc instead of because. I mean, really? It's not like I don't have time to type the whole word.. I am unemployed. Anyways..
Yay the fair is over and has been for a bit. I believe Jamie touched on this, but I had to share this awesome picture

Wow isn't that pretty? I thought so.

Now on to more. We had two baby showers and got most of our big ticket items. Friends and family are great :) One shower was for friends and another was for family and church members at Jamie's parents' church. I was, to say the least, a little stressed about the church shower. I mean we are a lesbian couple in East Tennessee. It went a lot better than I expected. Only one person asked me how Jamie and I were related ;) People insist that we look like sisters, but I don't see it. Oh well..

Before our first shower we had a "special delivery" class at the hospital and Jamie's friend Stacey was amazing enough to enlist some help and fly all the way in from California to decorate Sophia's nursery. It is gorgeous. It seriously looks like something from a magazine. Here are a few peeks!

It's feminine while not being overwhelmingly girly at the same time. I'm super excited about it and I could not be more thankful for all of the hard work our little nursery fairies put in. 

                                                   

 

We also did a little decorating for fall. I love decorating :)

Last night we also got a visit from our lovely friend Alex over at alexbeephoto.com and she did a maternity shoot with us. We even got our pup Charlie to run by in a few pictures. She's not very cooperative to say the least :p Here is a sneak peek of that.

alexbeephoto.com

She is absolutely amazing and some of our engagement photos that she took for us were featured on A Bicycle Built For Two. How fun! Maybe I can insert the link to that? (This is all I know to do haha, but it works )   http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/09/engagement-sesh-jamie-courtney.html

Annd lastly we have our 36 week appointment for baby girl on Wednesday. I believe we will get our last ultrasound this time and hopefully we'll get to see if Jamie is dilated or effaced at all. We both are thinking she will come early because Jamie's practice contractions (BH) are getting stronger.. or maybe it's just wishful thinking because we want her here already. I'm sure we'll have an update for you all on Wednesday. Until then!!!

A different kind of TWW

Two more weeks until our 34 week appointment. Then two more until our weekly appointments start! AHHH!!! I can't believe we are getting so close :)

Today's appointment was pretty boring...aside from the whole "how would you feel about a Halloween baby" question hahaha. Our doctor came in the room with that question. She is basically saying that since everything is going really well and everything is on track...the only real worry we could have at this point would be meconium (the first tar-like poos for a baby) in the fluids. It is more likely that this could happen going past the due date...so she has given us the "go ahead" to start all the natural labor inducing tricks at week 39. I want to labor in water (or at least have the option to if I'm feeling up for it) and she said if my water breaks and there is meconium, I can't labor in the water.

I love that she is doing everything she can to let me have the labor/birth I have planned out in my head. At this point I am feeling pretty confident and happy with everything! Things are falling into place, slowly...but surely. I can't wait for our Birthing class...I think that coupled with the hospital tour will reallllly make things feel real and not just like plans anymore.

We washed a load of tiny clothes last night...it was so cute! And loud haha...those snaps really do sound like a bunch of pennies tossing around in the dryer :) We still need to prep the prefold cloth diapers...that's right. We are going for it!! We won't let ourselves feel bad if for the first few weeks we have to use newborn disposables...but we are going to be ready with the cloth if we want to start right away too :)

My pal text me on Monday "17 days" I can't believe he will be here in less than 17 days!!!!! He is decorating our nursery for us and I won't be able to thank him enough...I was really having a hard time figuring out exactly what I wanted for her nursery. He offered to fly out and do it for us! So while we are out he is going to decorate and then we have a shower the next day to add to the mayhem of his decor haha. It's going to be great :)

I think that is everything...We are going to be busy little bees for the next week, so I am glad I was able to write this out now! Until next time... 

Fair Time in TN!!

It is almost that time of year again here in East TN. Courtney and I are both lucky enough to get to work the fair this year. That extra bit of money will certainly help us out with our sweet baby girl on the way!!

September is chock full of activities. I think once October is here we will take a deep breath and be glad we made it through!!

Let me just list it all out, because I can :)

Labor Day (This weekend): Family Reunion 2013
September 4: 1st of two baby appointments.
September 6-15: TN Valley Fair!!
September 18: I will try to keep my appts on the same day of the week, so 2nd baby appointment.
September 21: All day Birthing/New Parent Class/Hospital Tour. Our friend is also surprising us by decorating our nursery while we are out all day. :)
September 22: 1st Baby Shower!! Friends.
September 26: Breastfeeding Class.
September 29: 2nd Baby Shower!! Family/Church ladies.

Then we get into October...we have one more evening natural birthing class on the 1st, then we are in the home stretch to meeting this sweet baby of ours!! We will have weekly appointments until she is born during October too. I also have an eye doctor appointment in there somewhere.

I am getting more achy, and this heartburn is no joke. It is harder to stay asleep through the night, getting up to pee and switching sides after one goes numb and readjusting the pillows haha. I try to get up and walk more at work too, to keep the blood moving. Oh yeah!! The last time I updated, I was awaiting results from the sugar test, I am soooo happy to say I passed :) I am free to party on as I was before! Thank goodness because bread and ice cream are about the only things that don't set my chest on fire :)

I have been nesting at work. Getting everything ready for go time! I have even typed up my list of emergency numbers in case I go into active labor while I am working. I have also started our Birth Plan...knowing with these classes I will probably learn more and make some changes. The nesting on the home front hasn't started yet for me. I think once we get the nursery finished it will be easier for me to get into that groove. Courtney will more than likely do most of the cleaning while she is bored during the days...which is fine. I just hope I don't get antsy and want to do some myself.

The first girl from the Fall Pregnancy board on Baby Center had her baby yesterday, you know how that goes! We are going to start falling like dominos now....I think there were only about 10 other active ladies in front of us, so this time is going to fly by!

Until next time, I'm gonna eat some pop tarts :)

Gay Marriage in TN?

I will be 29 weeks tomorrow, that means we will be one week away from 30 weeks!!! Then only a mere 10 weeks from our due date! I really can't believe time is passing by so quickly. I am waiting to hear back from my 3 hour glucose test...that's right, I failed the 1 hour glucose test. :( Obviously, I hope to pass it and can continue to enjoy my pasta and other carbs :) Other than that, everything is looking great with baby girl and I am feeling pretty good too! I am starting to get a little more tired earlier in the evening, but I haven't hit my 8:00 bedtime again yet. I'm sure that's right around the corner.

Another thing I hope passes...

I read something this morning...an article from a little news magazine here in Knoxville. Let me link it. Take a minute to read it, it is very short. Gay Marriage in Tennessee? I am trying not to overreact here, but this is huge. Like, huge. While I know it still has to be appealed, I can't help but remind myself how difficult it is going to be for this case to be denied. If they try to take what they've already granted away from this couple, we have Prop 8 all over again. If they try to deny other couples the same thing they've already granted this couple, we have DOMA all over again.

Why does a case in Ohio matter for Tennessee? We are in the same Circuit of Appeals...along with Michigan and Kentucky. What is granted for one state through the Circuit of Appeals applies to the other states in that same circuit...so if the 6th Circuit Court approves that gay marriages from other states be recognized in Ohio, they also approve it for Tennessee.

Now, I am trying to find when the next court session is scheduled and I am going to watch like a hawk. This is going to be fun.

Courtney and I have just talked about taking a quick trip to NYC over my maternity leave to get a marriage license. We want to be armed and ready when it is time for this to become the new law of the land :) I am also very very excited, TN doesn't require a home study for spouses or stepparents....Courtney will be my spouse. That cuts about half of the adoption costs for us!!

I told her just a few minutes ago..."thank goodness you lost your job!" Had she not we would have already started to pay for the home study. Money that we most likely wouldn't get back. Now it is going to be unnecessary...we may have to wait a little while longer, but it will be worth it to be treated like a normal couple.

This is going to be good. I am ready for all of this to play out. All in time :)

The Struggle Is Real(er)?..

Courtney speaking again..

So, for those of you who don't know, which is all of you.. I work from home. I was living in Chattanooga and Jamie was living in Knoxville when we met. As our relationship progressed we decided to move in together and, given that Jamie has a home and a supportive family and I had neither, I made the move to Knoxville. I was up front with my place of employment and they decided that I was an asset that they did not want to lose so they set me up with a work from home position here.

Fast forward to this Tuesday. My manager (administrator really, but she's in charge of me, but not the one who decides my fate) casually mentions she'll be in town previous to Tuesday and on Tuesday she texts me and asks if she can stop by while she's in the area. I said yes and she comes over to chit chat, I presumed. We made our way to my "office" and she sits down and sighs and has this face that shows an uncomfortable smile and I immediately knew why she was there. The big boss woman in charge had sent her there to let me know that they no longer needed me. I knew there was an issue because recently they had discussed losing money, but since I had been there the longest out of all the office staff and I know what I'm doing I didn't think they would let me go. Not to mention this other little thing... WE HAVE A BABY ON THE WAY! Excuse my French, but what in the hell could they be thinking?! I mean seriously.. who fires someone who has a baby on the way?? Now apparently I was to be told that I did have the option to either commute to Chattanooga (that comes up to 1000 miles a week, people) WITHOUT mileage reimbursement or any pay increase whatsoever OR no big deal.. I could stay in Chattanooga Monday through Friday to save the gas and be able to be in the office. Yeah let me just remind you again that we have a baby on the way. If I can help it I'm not going to choose to be living in another city when my first child could decide to come early. No thank you.

I am honestly thinking that the only reason working in Chattanooga was given as an option was so that they could use that to fight paying me unemployment. Not cool, but totally something that the main person in charge would do. As for the manager who had the pleasure of being told to meet with me, she said that the decision maker said "She's smart. She'll find another job." Yeah that makes me feel a lot better. So they have given me until August 23rd to work out my time with them. It's funny because a previous employee who was fired for doing absolutely no work when she was at work was given a month to get it together and was offered a severance package, but I get a 2.5 week notice and a "you're smart." To me that's pretty close to an eff you. Smart isn't going to put diapers on our baby's butt or food in her mouth. Fortunately if I can find another decent paying job or get unemployment we will be just ok financially, definitely not anywhere fantastic, but I am just so peeved by this woman's lack of understanding for my situation. She is in her 40s I believe and she has no children, has never wanted any and within the past decade was married. Work is her child and I'm sure that's why she has room to be so heartless, because the company is her baby and she had to save it. It just absolutely blows my mind that a person can, with no regard, eliminate somebody's paycheck when they have a baby due soon. November is not that far away and she may not even wait that long to meet us.

All of this came as a shock, not to mention I have never received any warnings or reprimand, verbal or written, stating that my work has been unsatisfactory or anything of that nature. It's just complete BS. So accordingly I sent an email stating that I would like to hold onto my position until closer to when Sophia is due that way I can end my job there, take time to be with my family, then return to work. For those of you who live in the south, you can imagine how easy it would be, not to mention how well you would be received, if you were to apply for a new job and say "Hey by the way, employer in Tennessee, very shortly into my time with you I would like to take 2-5 days off to be with my newborn baby that my lesbian partner is delivering." Yeah I mean people can surprise us, but that's not something I particularly want to even deal with.

So there is my vent session for the evening. I have been letting the amount of disrespect I have been fed stew for the past two days so I had to get it all out.

Oh hey not to mention some of this stress was brought on by upcoming adoption procedures. We finally got ahold of a lawyer and an agency willing to do work with us regarding the adoption. We will owe about $4000 in fees and half of the paperwork from the agency that will process the second parent adoption wants to know about employers and bills and salaries, etc. So this is just the perfect time. They couldn't have planned it better really.

But lets end on a positive note. I didn't LOVE my job and it certainly wasn't making me the bread winner of the family so maybe this is a chance for me to move onto something that pays better or something that I enjoy more. Jamie has been so supportive even though I feel like a complete loser, but she knows what I'm worth and she has been here to support me all the way. Fingers crossed for better things coming our way!!


:)

Letter To Sophia

Dear Sophia,

This is your momma here. At least I think that is what I'll be called...you can pick when the time is right. I wanted to write you a letter so I will be able to remember some of the amazing moments of this pregnancy so far. According to my What To Expect app, you are about the size of a head of cauliflower...or close to 16 inches and about 2.5lbs. No wonder this belly of mine feels so stretched out!! You are 27 weeks and 4 days old. That means in just over 12 weeks we will be able to hold you outside of my belly!

You are so strong. From the first days and weeks we learned you were growing, the numbers were through the roof...we actually thought there might be more than one baby growing, but it was always just our super strong girl! You are not afraid to show me and your mom all the moves you have learned so far. We especially love your nightly performances...sometimes you are so active we are sure you are just going to push your way right into our arms!

I really enjoy our special morning time together while your mom is still sleeping, and I am not ready to get up for the day, you and I just hang out...well I hang out. It feels like you may be prepping for a marathon some mornings. It is so wonderful to share that time with you. I sometimes wonder if you are going to be this active on the outside, if so we are in for it!

We had a 3D ultrasound of you a couple weeks ago. You are so beautiful. I hope I never forget to tell you just how beautiful you are. I hope your mom and I remember the way we talk about ourselves is the way you will, too, think one day...and that we remind each other we are beautiful even on our worst days.

You are so loved. I can't even begin to explain the love we have for you. Not to mention all of our friends and family who simply can't wait to meet this special girl of ours! We planned and prepared and waited for you to come to us, when the timing was right. Oh my goodness the timing was impeccable too. I will be sure to tell you all the stories I can remember of your great-grandma. You are actually due on her birthday, I think she had a hand in aligning the stars to bring you into our lives. She was never a shy lady...she liked to show off on her birthdays, I bet you are her biggest show yet! I know she loves you so very much too. I can't wait to wrap you up in one of the blankets she made just for you.

I can't wait to meet you. I often wonder what your personality will be like. I wonder if you and I will have the same bond that my mom and I share. I wonder if you will be just as outspoken as me...your mom is going to be in trouble if that's the case :) You are already so exciting and you keep me on my toes, especially on the days you decide to pretend my bladder is a trampoline! I have no doubt you and your mom have a special bond nobody else understands. She has taken such good care of both of us while you are growing. She can't wait to meet you either. You already have our hearts with yours. The day we get to meet you is going to be the very best day of our lives.

There is so much more I want to say to you, but one day you will probably want a baby of your own...and if you decide to carry that baby in your belly, you will notice your brain slowly scattering all over the place...all that to say, I can't remember everything I wanted to say when I started this letter to you. Hopefully when you are here with us on the outside I will have things more together!

I love you my sweet baby girl. I hope you never feel like you need to question that.

Love,
Your Momma.

P.S. The first few weeks will be a totally new experience for your moms, don't hold that against us...we will do the very best we can :)

Long Overdue Baby Update

Hello again!
For those of you who weren't able to check up on us on our stint with WordPress, you have missed a few things!
Sooo.. here's a quick recap:
We had a gender reveal and all of our loved ones were there for us. It was a great day. I'm surprised neither of us passed out so yay for that! Even family who was too far away to actually be there caught up with us via Skype. Isn't technology great.

Drumroll please for the big reveal....

Holy crap that was rough. I just spent about 4 minutes trying to figure that one out. Go me.

Anyways, as you can see, it's a girl! Little Sophia.

We have made some good progress on her room and have all of the essentials that we'll need to get by with once she's here, which is great. Now we just have to have our showers! I'm really excited/nervous for prezzies, but I know we have lots of support so we'll likely get loaded up with things that we need more of. Friends are great.. haha. 

Most recently we had our 4d U/S and got to see our little boogs for a good while and got enough pictures to start a wall border I'm sure. I think the tech got a little trigger happy with her printer, but hey.. I'm not complaining :) 

Lets see if I can manage to get one of those on here. HOLD PLEASE!!

Shew that was a lot easier now that I know what I'm doing :)
Anyways isn't she just precious?!?!!? I loves her little butt and that tiny grin she's making. I swear it's the exact same face that Jamie makes after she says something snarky. We're in for a world of trouble with this little girl. She's going to be a handful and I can't wait.

So there's the story, folks. We'll keep you updated soon with more appointments, showers and hey.. maybe we'll pop her out around November. Until then!!!

We are Moving!!

Not to that fancy big house up the road, silly. Just over to another blog! I welcome all my loyal trusted followers to continue doing just that and FOLLOW US!!! I would love to post the new blog name here, but that would defeat the purpose of moving to a more private blog. Please send me an email and I will be more than happy to give you our new blog site, and password for our password protected posts!

jacunningham44@gmail.com

I am sad to be leaving this place where I felt safe to be myself and "speak" candidly so that others out there like us might somehow benefit and know they are not alone on this journey. However, it is time to move on to better pastures.

I hope to see those smiling happy faces of yours with us at the new place. It may take a bit for me to get used to, but I will definitely be keeping up with all of you as we move.

Blogiversary

It's been nearly a year since I started writing about our journey. Here we are 8 weeks 3 days pregnant. The Supreme Court is hearing two historic cases about same sex marriage this week. Lives will be changing more than some people will ever realize, whatever the outcome. It's also officially Spring & we have snow. Lots of snow here in East Tennessee.

It's been quite the year!!! I am so proud of where we are today as a couple, growing our family. And as a nation, growing our equality. As we were laying in bed last night, I asked Courtney if she realized this is history in the making like major history. I love it. It is amazing to think very soon our family will be equal! It's even possible...albeit not likely...that we could have national marriage equality before this baby bean is here. How great to think about :) Granted, I think either way we would still wait until the fall of next year for a wedding.

Shew, it's a bit overwhelming. But still. I love it!!

On the baby baking front...I thought maybe I was on the downhill slide of morning sickness, then I woke up this morning. Gross gross. Hopefully it was a fluke :)

Sorry for the spastic thoughts, I have so many things I'd like to write about...I just can't find the time to make logical sentences into an actual post these days.

Until next time...

Bad Blogger!!

Wow, I haven't updated in SO LONG! Let me blame the sleepies and the sicklies and the non-update worthiness as of late.

Things are trucking right along over here. We had our first ultrasound and 'new ob' appointment yesterday, everything looks wonderful :) Baby Bean was measuring right on track at 7 weeks 6 days. Heart rate was 175 bpm!! One strong healthy baby!!! I was kinda looking forward to two, but of course I am happy no less :) Who wants to see a picture???



At this point, I have decided to stay with my doctor instead of switching to the local Birthing Center. I just feel so comfortable with the entire staff, Courtney is accepted without question and it all just feels "right." I can still choose my own birthing plan, and I can choose to say no interventions if I want to. So this will be the route we take!

Our next appointment is in 4 weeks, no u/s at that one, just doppler heartbeat and regular check. Next u/s will be at 16 weeks...we will get to find out the sex at that appointment!! Even though its a whole 2 months away, it will be a super exciting appointment, maybe time will fly by?!

I will try my best to not be so radio silent from now on! I feel like maybe the sicklies are starting to back off a bit, *knock on wood* until next time :)

If you're even nice to a gay person.. you'll go to hell.

Apparently that's what my parents think. Obviously this is Courtney typing because Jamie's parents are awesome. We had a little encounter with my parents recently and we thought finally the tides are turning and they're seeing that it's not that terrible to just be nice to a person... so clearly I decided to ask my mother if we could meet up again since we would be in the area this weekend. She commenced to tell me that our meeting was a one time thing because they were "desperate" from not having seen me in so long and that they "hoped I wouldn't get the wrong idea". How else were we supposed to take that? I don't know why, but for some reason my parents seem to think that if they're even remotely decent to a gay person other than myself that Jesus will notice and condemn them straight to hell. I don't understand their logic and probably never will because I'm not an idiot. I realize that sounds mean to say about my parents, but well.. they're ridiculous. I also am not allowed to see my nephew unless I'm alone either. Apparently bringing Jamie around will give me the impression that it's "ok to be gay". I don't know how many times I have to tell my parents that if they're nice to us that doesn't mean that I think they've changed their beliefs. It simply means that they decided to be nice for once. I don't know what bible they're reading or what they're being told at church, because I know plenty of devout Christians who are more than nice to me and all other gays because you are supposed to be kind to people. My family, on the other hand, has some sort of dark fantasy about what will happen if they were to be kind to a homosexual. I just don't understand and I don't know where to go anymore with this. Do I just finally give up? I honestly don't feel like they care anyways.

My mom can go weeks without talking to me and my dad can go even longer. Hell, if I died today they probably wouldn't find out for a good while unless they were contacted by someone. I understand that it can sound just as bad that I don't contact them, but I am their child and I thought that love was supposed to be unconditional. Especially now that Jamie is pregnant. Even with absolutely no biological tie to the baby(ies) in Jamie's womb, they are my children or it is my child. (I'm just going to say they now because it's probably twins and it's easier to type just the one thing). The person I love the most in this entire universe is carrying those babies and they are ours and they are already the most special and important and amazing things I will ever have. I love them so terribly much and I could NEVER imagine hurting them like this. They aren't even here yet and I already feel that I love them more than my parents love me. I would kill for them. I'd do anything to make them truly happy. How can you not feel that way as a parent?

I guess that's something I'll never figure out...

Holy Beta, Batman!!

I had my third and final blood draw yesterday afternoon. I called for my results this morning...HCG 18,079 & Prog. 41.63!!

I am floored. We definitely have one of two things happening here. Either this is one snuggly bug or we have two very happy bugs! I am just happy to see those numbers climb. The first number doubled at a rate of about 31 hours and this one took about 38 hours, still on track and still high high high!

I'll admit all kinds of fears are running through my head. What if something is wrong and these numbers are simply TOO high? What if the nurse knows something but is just waiting to tell me? I almost want to puke thinking about all the what ifs.

I need to focus on the facts.

• Fact - I am very much so pregnant.
• Fact - I am not having any real unusual pains, just the typical occasional cramps.
• Fact - The nurse said my "numbers look great!!"
• Fact - The stars aligned to bring us to this point, I fully believe they are staying aligned just for us.
• Fact - I am tired. All. The. Time.
• Fact - I am a nervous wreck.

If I focus on the facts, I can calm down a little. We just want this so badly, and now that it is completely up to fate...it is hard not knowing. I am going to miss getting results next week to reassure me that things are still going as they should. Prepare for neurotic, overreacting, crazy lady posts for the next bit.

Netflix will be my saving grace for the coming weeks. I keep googling and I really need to stop and trust that what the nurse says is true, my numbers are great.

We are already perfectly fine with twins if that is the case. Of course, the nurse made no mention of possible multiples...I understand why she wouldn't anyway, what if something happens between now and our u/s? That'd suck. For now I am just having a mix of emotions. I'm telling myself its totally normal.

Next appointment (including the first u/s) is March 21. That seems like a lifetime from now!! For now, I'm not even tired...I think my adrenaline is running on high. I need to just relax, HA!!

5 weeks 2 days

I don't even know if that is correct. That's what one of the three pregnancy apps I have says. But I think that same app actually has our due date as 11/2, in reality I think it's 11/4. But I still think we are 5 weeks 2 days.

I guess at the first ultrasound we will have a more definite gestational age. (Is that the right term?)

Last night I had this dream we were at our first u/s & we saw two heartbeats. Two sacs with two tiny tadpoles & one heartbeat was slower than the other. So of course, I tell Courtney and she immediately says its a boy & a girl! At this point I am so okay with twins that it probably actually is. Because if I were stressing out and worrying about it, ultimately there'd only be one chilling in there.

Just two more days until our next blood test. I am really hoping we are able to schedule our u/s the next week. Until then we are moving right along. I'm sleepy mcsleeperson and I think last night I was feeling a bit of "morning sickness" I felt like I was on a cruise without my sea legs yet...I guess that's the same feeling?

The only downside of twins would be our birthing experience. I really want to give birth at a birthing center with midwives and no medical interventions...twins automatically bumps you up to high risk...birthing centers only allow low risk pregnancies/births. So I think I'd be sticking with my regular Ob/gyn for the whole pregnancy & delivery.

That's ok though. I do love my doctor, she is totally cool with the whole gay thing & she was even encouraging when I told her about our first attempts. So right now, things are good :)

Really good.

PS. Have I mentioned how much I sincerely appreciate ALL of my blogland friends?? I wish I could fly to where you all are and give you the biggest hugs ever. You have been so incredible. Thank You doesn't even cut it...I love having this area as an outlet to whine, celebrate, vent and learn. I had know idea when I started this blog that I'd have so many friendships with people I've never met. So thank you. I appreciate you all so very much!

Time for second dinner :)

2nd Blood Test

Well, not much to report except that we got our second blood results back...at 17 dpo HCG is 999 & progesterone is 42. HCG seems really high, both Court & I keep having crazy feelings that there is going to be more than one baby in there at our first ultrasound!!

We go back next Tuesday for what should be our last blood draw, then we make an appointment for the first u/s!!! Looks like we will see what's going on in there at about 6 or 7 weeks!

Right now we are trying not to obsess about whether its multiples or not & simply enjoy knowing that things look great & we are still moving forward :)

We took a trip to Buy Buy Baby just for fun & holy crap. Holy crap...so many things & I must have them all. Duh. But really, this is all still very surreal & hasn't even hit me yet!! I think I'm going to be one of those women who can see the words pregnant on home pregnancy tests day after day, & feel the cramps of my growing uterus...but it won't set in until we see the heartbeat on that TV-like screen. Then maybe I'll feel like this is real.

That's normal, right? It's ok to still be cautious & questioning now...yes?

Until next week...this 4 week 5 day pregnant lady is going to spend some time with my family :)

Almost Surreal

It is almost...to be writing this post. I may just save it as a Draft for a few more days until I can wake up from this dreamland.

Who knew how quickly this would all happen after switching donors? Not me, I was prepared for 3 more tries and then we'd still be in limbo...

At the time of me writing this it has been four whole days since we saw the very first faint second line. We weren't expecting to see anything on that cheapy internet test. Then the next morning (10dpo mind you) we whipped out the fancy first response test...sure enough a more visible second line. We decided to go in for a blood draw to see just how far along I am. On Wednesday I called for results, HCG 22 Progesterone 34. I read somewhere on the trusty interwebs that 10dpo average HCG is 15...so we are on track there & the nurse said they like to see progesterone above 20...so perfect there :)

Of course we have kept testing to see if the line is getting darker, now at 14dpo the second line is almost as dark as the control.

I have been crampy and I feel like my boobs have started to explode. I had fairly good size neens to begin with, now they are just like boom...sports bras don't even hold 'em back. I am just now 4 weeks...uh oh! I have also had horrible congestion...like shove tissues up my nose all day just to catch the snots...that is slowly going away. I read somewhere that a cold is a good thing. It means my immune system was down, so that implantation could happen easier!! I will definitely take a cold if that means this bean is going to have an easier time making it's little home :)

I am so nervous about our second blood draw on Tuesday. I am excited, but I have lots of "what ifs." I guess that's normal? I keep telling myself everything is fine as long as I don't see red.

Also, I kept tracking my temps after our first BFP. It kept climbing to 98...then one day it dropped .7. I freaked out. Then Court was reading about it online and said I most likely slept with my mouth open all night (due to the stopped up noseypoo) & that could've cause the drop. I decided that was a good enough reason and resolved to temp one more morning to make sure it was just a fluke, sure enough the next day it was 98.1! Back on track and the thermometer has been put away!

We are cautiously excited. We told my aunt Carol, parents and siblings...I initially just wanted to tell my parents and Carol only, but then thought 'if something happens they will know, might as well tell them now...' We are keeping it pretty quiet from everyone else for a while longer. Of course, except for my trusty blogland friends, and the Rainbow Families group on Facebook :)

For now, I will take all the sticky baby vibes I can get!! Let's make sure this is a good home for the next 9 months :) We feel great about things so far, hopefully the numbers are just as great on Tuesday. Then the next week, then the next......

P.S. tell me it is totally normal to ALREADY want to wear yoga pants all day every day. I feel so bloated...and big...let me reiterate, 4 weeks. I have 36 to go! Shewww, I'm ready!!

Jealousy

Now more than ever I have these awful thoughts running through my head far too often and I hate it. I see so many straight couples on Facebook, people I went to school with who are expecting and most who I'm sure weren't trying. It makes me so mad to see people who I don't even feel like are as prepared as Jamie and I getting pregnant. And I just know in my jealous mind that they didn't even want a baby. I just know it, but because they're straight all they have to do is be careless when they have sex and there it is. A baby. What we've been trying so hard for and they just have to have a moment of release. I can't imagine how much this frustrates Jamie who wakes up at 6am and temps and charts and obsesses over her cycle and pees on sticks and hopes to catch the surge and we both have to worry about making the situation work smoothly with a donor. This is just something that I need to get out and I can't say this to all the people who are pregnant because, although there may be a lot who have really just had their happy mistakes, it would offend. We just need this try to work or I'll think about all these things over and over and be more upset :/

My Brain is Melting

So after much conversing with our donors and amending our contract we finally reached a reasonable conclusion about everything and decided to go forward with our new KD who lives MUCH closer to us. I mean.. not extremely close, but we can drive there in less than 2 hours. We figured Jamie would ovulate either early next week or Sunday so we would go down to our donor then and do our insem as quickly as we could and head back up home afterwards, BUT as luck would have it things went differently. Saturday morning I couldn't get her to POAS fast enough. She had used the potty earlier that morning so we had our morning coffee and caught up on some shows. Jamie still wanted to wait a bit because she really didn't have to use the bathroom when I told her to, but I was insistent so we went ahead and did it. I was in the office, on the other side of the house, when I heard her yelling from the bathroom and I knew she got a smiley face. I immediately texted our donor and made arrangements to stay in Chattanooga Saturday night so we could insem Saturday evening and Sunday morning, which is exactly what we did. I don't think our timing could have been any more perfect. Absolutely great timing and we had the freshest of fresh swimmers for this try. I mean it really can't get any better for us.

As if that doesn't sound great enough...it gets even better. If this try works the due date will be in early November which will be right around Jamie's grandmother's birthday. We also would find out the sex not terribly long after my birthday and it would have a two month old cousin to be bestest friends with! Now here comes the shocker and is what I'm definitely taking as a sign that our stars are aligning and the universe is about to throw a bunch of good karma our way. My mom and dad met up with Jamie and I on Sunday for a lunch/snack. My parents have been very opposed to me being gay and have NEVER met a significant other of mine. But I still contacted my mother and let her know we would be in town and, surprisingly enough, she agreed to meet with us. We had some food and talked for two hours about work and school and this and that. None of it seemed forced and my mom directly addressed Jamie, as did my dad, and told her it was nice to meet her and everything. Hopefully this is the beginning of something good to come.

SO we are set to test around the 27th of this month and hopefully we will see two big, pink lines on that little stick and we can start getting ready for our little miracle :)

Here we go!!!

What a pretty little smiley face :)

I knew this was going to be a Roller Coaster

I just didn't know how many twists and turns this ride was going to take.

Might as well settle in for this one. It is a mush of random thoughts and emotions. Apologies in advance.

Our first KD got some not so great news back about his spermies. I don't have all the details, but I do know he had to go in to meet with his doctor. We all know mostly good news is shared via phone or voicemail...nothing excellent comes from an extra visit to sit down and chat.

Two days ago, I emailed Stacey (KD) about the other offer we had from Courtney's good friend. I was terrified that email would just crush our friendship somehow...because that's how my brain works. I go from good to catastrophe within minutes. Of course, he agreed with our ideas...that our new KD would probably be a better choice for now. Great...now we just move forward. Right?

Wait. Not so fast. We need a Donor Contract now. Why? Because our new KD is married. This could be a disaster...if we don't take the right steps. So we draw one up with the understanding that it isn't legally binding and we will still need a lawyer before a baby is birthed. Ok cool. Easy enough, the internet works wonders these days. Wait...his wife has an issue with the whole "if we die what happens to her husband's sperm child?" She wants our baby(ies) if we die. We can't let that happen. Not with my close-knit family. No Way.

......Great. There goes our other KD, now we have to move on to sperm banks and start spending hundreds of dollars each month on a vial no bigger than my pinky. We will try for months and still not be successful, then we decide to stop spending money all the time and maybe consider fostering? Maybe fostering will lead to adoption? But I can't bare the thought of fostering a child right now...not with this overwhelming need to bare a child. I would lose it the second that baby/child were taken from us to go back to his/her family...deep down I'd know that is ultimately what's best for them, but what about us? Surely we aren't too selfish in wanting our own family. I'm not too selfish to want to carry a child. Am I? Fostering isn't right for us right now, maybe probably in the future it will be. Adoption is much too expensive for us right now. So...

Then my brother and sister in law have made it to the 12 week mark and decide its time to post the news on Facebook. I follow suit and post a happy Aunt post, pretending to be super happy...because I am. I am happy for them. I am and I am so ready to be a part of that little one's life, but I am sad right now. Sad that I may only ever be an aunt. I may never know what its like to be a mom. & I am jealous. I hate how easy it was for them...their happy accident. Now I'm angry at myself for being this jealous person again. Its just not fair.

I'm talking to Mom about videos of us dancing to One Direction on Just Dance 4...everything is fine. I'm calm. I am forgetting that I was upset when she called. We are chatting about whatever else, I am halfway listening...& there is something about talking to your mom, your best friend, that makes it be ok to be vulnerable. I don't cry normally. But I lose it. I have a breakdown on the phone with my mom. I know everyone is so excited about the new baby...they have been since Christmas, I know this. Its just a constant reminder I'm not pregnant. Nobody understands. How could they? I feel so selfish losing control of my emotions. I hate it...I'm usually collected. I don't cry. I feel like everything is falling apart, Courtney and I are becoming strained because of this stupid roller coaster, and I can't figure out how to voice my feelings to her in an emotion other than anger. I am upset about only ever being an aunt. That's not what my life is meant to be. I know it. Mom calms me down, but she is only saying words I've heard before...she doesn't understand. How could she? She had 5 pregnancies. 4 kids. It seemed her and Dad just had to look at each other and 9 months later a new baby popped out. We have been at this for 7 months now...3 negatives & now a we are out of KD options...and we don't have thousands of dollars to spend on tiny vials of sperm....

Good to Catastrophe within minutes. See?

Hold on, in the midst of my tears Courtney gets and email. New KD and wife have a suggestion. A last case scenario situation...Ok...we can amend the contract to include that IF we both die, and IF my entire immediate family is unable to care for the kid, THEN and only then will they assume custody. We may be crazy. I realize that. This could work. We agree to amend the contract. This works for others it can work for us.

The tears start to dry and my nose is all puffy, but we are back. We are back to our new KD. We have a new plan. We all agree to this new plan...my anxiety levels are back to pre-catastrophe stage.

Now what? We print the contract we ALL sign it, and then we start trying.

When do we start trying? They are ready to start when we are. Awesome!! That means next week most likely...start POAS....again. Wait again. I am ok with waiting again. At least we have our plan...and they have agreed to help us until there is a tiny in my belly. I can breathe easy now.

This is going to be one hell of a story one day. "Momma, where do babies come from?" "You, my child... You are the most special baby ever...go get the blanket and let me tell you a story." I can't wait.

Engagement Pictures

While I am waiting to wait again I thought I'd post a random blog...

Remember a while back when I told you about our photographer friend who wanted to use us to expand her portfolio? Well she outdid herself! I love how all of our pictures turned out...we had a blast & we have every intention of hiring her for real when it comes to more pictures :)

I am really excited to get some of these cutesies framed and put up...the walls are so BARE in our house. I thought I'd share a couple with you guys :)

   

18 DPO

or CD3. whatever.

Yeahhh another stinky BFN. I was disappointed...but I can't stay disappointed. We have to keep our heads up and keep moving forward. That's that.

Our KD has made an appointment for tomorrow to get things checked out on his end. Maybe he has a low count or low motility? We should know something by the end of the week. Depending on the results we either: 1. Have me checked out (if his results come back normal) & then go from there. 2. Move on to February armed with a better timing plan...wait for the dang smiley, no more jumping the gun. 3. Move on to our other -more local- KD. I really really want things to work out with KD#1...I know I've said before that's the most ideal plan...but I also wanted to have a baby while I was 25. That plan is slowly fading too. I still consider us lucky to pretty much have our choice of FREE baby making materials. It will work when our stars line up and the universe is ready to give us our baby. I know that.

We found out yesterday a couple of people we know locally are trying to start a family too!! This is so so so exciting :) We have been trying to find a couple like us on this roller coaster to better relate to. I know we have a great support system, but try as they might no straight couple will ever understand what it takes for us to bring home a baby. So having another gay couple right in our own hometown is going to be a wonderful thing. We plan to meet up next week to chat about our methods, disappointments and all things baby :) I can't wait!

For now, we have a busy little week ahead of us. Our friends' daughter's 4th birthday celebration is this evening. Tomorrow Mom and I are going to get supplies for our camping adventure this weekend and Courtney has class. Wednesday I'm going to prenatal yoga with my sister in law (I am officially crazy I think). Courtney has class and I will be vegging out on the couch Thursday. Mom and I leave for Girl Scout camp Friday afternoon. --we go every year with a small group of girls (from our old troop) and our moms to kind of catch up on each others lives...its always a good time!!-- I don't know what Courtney is going to get into this weekend...maybe she will move some furniture around ;)

That's about all there is to catch up on now.

12DPO

Might as well make a 12dpo post, right?

There really isn't much to report today other than the fact that I poured my coffee out this morning because it was making me sick. Also I only had a small cup yesterday because of the same reason. It's probably just the progesterone creeping up. Oh & my boobs are sore now...I was just waiting for that to happen. 

We had a nice relaxing weekend with family in a cozy cabin...(picture 9 people in a one bedroom cabin) good thing we all like each other :) I forgot my thermometer so I missed two days of temping :( whoops!!

I am sad to say I am not feeling as confident as I was at the beginning of this try. I don't know why...maybe its intuition or maybe its my way of guarding myself from a possible BFN? Courtney is still very hopeful which is great because one of us needs to be!! I just can't let myself get my hopes up and then be really let down.

I think tomorrow morning's temperature will be my deciding factor. If it goes up, I think I will be a little more hopeful...of course if it goes down, I'll be preparing myself for AF within a day or two.

I am hoping to be surprised tomorrow!! Otherwise, onwards and upwards!

*baby dust*

8 DPO

Well, guys this progesterone really doesn't have too many side effects on me. I am noticing that I am really pretty tired in the evenings, but normal progesterone from my body will do that too. I have noticed very small cramps more localized to my right side (I keep thinking if the progesterone supplements would cause cramping it would be my entire lower abdomen) I could be wrong. I have also noticed I am sweating more in the night...I don't know if that was one of the side effects or not, but it probably is. Still not bothersome.

Usually by this time my boobs are super sore, or at the very least starting to get sore. I was sure these supplements would cause that pain to double...but I don't have any soreness at all. That's a bit strange (&&& maybe good - shhhhh!!)

I haven't noticed any crazy mood swings either...I have been snippy, but that's pretty typical the week before AF for me anyway.

Here I was psyching myself out for all these intense side effects of the P-Monster...and I am experiencing pretty much NONE of them. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy I am pretty much sailing through this process...but I think maybe I was hoping for the side effects to help me know it was "working."

I am happy to be able to get away for part of this weekend with my family in the mountains. We had some gorgeous snow yesterday afternoon...well it was gorgeous once I was FINALLY safely home. It was a nightmare driving the 6.7 miles home. ***People in the South have no idea how to drive in the snow...and I think the snow driving section of driver's ed was just completely skipped over for most part. I have lived here my entire life, but I also had very smart driving teachers...not even just my driver's ed teacher, but Mom and Dad and Carol.***

Anyway, getting away for a couple days will take our minds off the TWW for a bit, and maybe help time pass :) We aren't testing until next Friday (or so we say)...since I Od later that pushed my AF start date back a little bit too, so we have a whole WEEK left. BLAHH!

Wish us luck and baby dust :)

4 DPO

& I just feel fat.

I hate this part of the cycle regardless of TTC or not. The natural surge of progesterone just makes me super bloated and constipated and blah. You're welcome, I know you all wanted to know I can't poo.

At the advice of a trusty follower, Courtney and I bought a puzzle...not just any puzzle a 2000 (!!!!!) piece puzzle. Of course we couldn't just get any 2000 piece puzzle, we had to get "Starry Night" I have always loved that painting...so why not? We even bought some puzzle glue stuff to preserve it when we finish it! I think we may start on it this evening. The dining room table is ready for us to get started!

Like the title says, I am 4dpo today. FF tried to say I was 3dpo today...but I went ahead and manually changed that business to the correct day. My temp was the lowest, I had ovulation cramps, and all the other lovely signs Thursday, nothing on Friday (but because my temperature took a day to make that spike, FF decided I didn't actually ovulate til Friday. This is the closest timing we've had for an insem. out of all 3...just two days early, let's hope that's all the difference we needed to get a sticky bean! I started taking my progesterone supplements last night...it tastes horrible. It is a liquid and I have to take 5 drops every AM & PM. gross.

So in a couple of days when I start to notice "symptoms," I can just attribute them all to the nasty progesterone supplements. For now, I am sitting at my desk with my pants undone so I'm not suffocating.

Keep sending us that BABY DUST!!!!

Who's Ready for Another TWW?!

Not. Me.

Just kidding, I am incredibly excited/anxious/nervous/ready/happy to be here again. Well, not that we are technically 'here' yet, but we will be officially tomorrow - Ready or not!

Our KD shipped out yesterday afternoon, so it should be arriving any minute now at the house. I told Courtney she had to wear clothes "to work" today. Lucky butt works from home, so she is super comfy most days!

My mom is just the cutest. I know I've said it before and will until I can no more. Last night she surprised us with a visit and a nice cozy blanket with a super cute Christmas onesie wrapped up inside it. She thought it would be nice to have for today! & a little something for the little something we ARE going to make :)...she is so great :) Carol sent along some coupons for Buy Buy Baby with her. That store is going to be trouble.

Today is CD18...I still haven't gotten the smiley on the digital OPK, but my temp dropped for two days in a row & then rose slightly this morning. In past months, that is EXACTLY what happens when I am going to ovulate. I am confident in our timing, and I am sure that smiley is just hours away now. (All other signs are a go, too!)

I went for acupuncture this past Saturday. It was all relaxing and calming, and informative. I am glad I went and will most likely be back soon. He did give me some progesterone to take, either after O or after a +hpt. I could choose which I felt more comfortable with. After some research and endless questioning from all my different sources, I have decided to go ahead with it 3dpo...until testing day which should be January 22. (I wouldn't be able to wait for AF, because if progesterone does its job it will suppress AF). I have been warned about the side effects and how they are nearly identical to PG symptoms. I feel like that might actually be better for me. That way anything I feel, I can just say 'oh that's just the progesterone'...and not let myself get too hopeful. It seems like the benefits out weigh the sneaky side effects. I haven't had any tests to know if my levels are too low or anything, but if the very low dose he gave me can't hurt, then it can only help in my eyes. So, I'm going for it. I feel sorry for Court though....mood swings are not going to be fun for her!

I want to have something to do each day of this TWW, so maybe I don't stress/obsess too much :) HA HA HA. I'm funny.

Anyway......now we wait...for the package, then the test! Shew, I hope this is it.

(*baby dust*)

Another One Looking Back

Hey all. I'm feeling a little stir crazy.. or something to that extent today. I'm working on getting over a cold and I'm feeling all peevy so it doesn't help that ALL of the neighborhood dogs are going crazy, causing our dog to go crazy in here with me and the noise is about to drive me nuts so I decided to take a break to write a blog. First I thought Jamie's little 2012/2013 thing looked fun so I'm going to give it a go. Let's remember that my family is not a significant part of my life due to their beliefs conflicting with my life as is so where normally an important family member would be the answer to some questions, it'll probably be Jamie in my answers. She'll probably like seeing that she's such a big influence on me anyways.. haha.

..Looking Back on 2012
1. What was your greatest accomplishment of 2012?
I have a hard time making decisions or picking a favorite/best thing so I may say a few here. I'd say I'm pretty darn proud of myself for going back to school. Even if to get an Associates in General Studies.. I guess that's what it is.. I'm doing it to better myself. I've also done a bit of growing up so that is always good.

2. What was your greatest fear of 2012?
I think my greatest fear was growing up and becoming more responsible. Moving to Knoxville and even discussing starting a family was a huge decision which was very scary, but has ended up being so worth it. I only wish I could have done it earlier!

3. Who influenced you the most in 2012?
My biggest influence, and the person I have spent most of my time with, was and is Jamie. She will probably never know all of the good she has done for me, but she has definitely had a significant part in the making of who I am today. I know I'm capable of a lot, but sometimes it takes some pushing and Jamie was there to push when I needed it the most and I'm more than thankful for that. She has shown me how to be a more responsible person and what it's like to be a part of a family who loves you for exactly who you are and that's something that I will never be able to repay her for.

4. What is(are) your favorite memory(ies) from 2012?
I think one of my favorite memories from 2012 was bringing in the New Year in DC. We had a ton of fun on that trip and I only wish we could have brought in 2013 by running around Dupont Circle.

5. Did you accomplish any of your goals for 2012?
I am glad to say that I accomplished a lot of goals for 2012. I paid off my car loan, which is funny to say because I have a little Honda POS, but I had to take out a loan on it and I paid it off about 6 months early. I've also taken a good chunk of money that most people my age would spend frivolously and put it towards paying off debt instead AND I started going back to school.

Hopes for the New Year...
1. What is your number one goal for 2013?
Clearly mine and Jamie's number one goal is to make a healthy, happy baby. I'm hoping we'll have one in our arms around the end of this year :) I also would like to graduate college at the end of the year.. or at least be a class away.

2. What do you want other people to remember most about you at the end of 2013?
I'd like for people to see and remember me as a kind hearted person. I want people to know I'm deserving of the child Jamie and I are trying to have and know that we'll be the best parents we can be.

3. How do you plan to make an impact on the world in 2013?
I don't have any huge plans to conquer the world yet, but I'd like to think that my little political and civil rights rants in the world of social media at least can impact someone to greater thinking ;)

4. Where is one place you want to visit in 2013?
I also don't have any huge plans here. I'd just like to plop my butt down on a sandy beach for a week or so. That's not asking too much, right??

5. How would you like to see yourself improve in 2013?
I want to read more, eat better, exercise more, learn more, become more patient and tolerant, more educated, more motivated, etc, etc.. We can always be better than we are now!

Now that that's over with let's get to the good stuff. Insemination! I can't remember if Jamie's already mentioned this or not, but she has an acupuncture appointment Saturday and we're hoping they can work some fertility mojo into the routing. She has also been drinking her FertiliTea as directed (for the most part) so now we just wait to receive our spermies and go for it! I think that this will be our best try yet and I am as confident as I can be without feeling like we're going to jinx things. Let's just all keep our fingers and toes crossed that this insemination results in a successful pregnancy. The timing could not be more perfect for us so let's make this work!! Talk to you all soon :)