HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

First of all I would like to say thank you for the encouraging comments! I am so happy to have this community by my side. I know we are still in the early stages of our journey, and I by no means take for granted how lucky I am to have such a supportive family. I know most of you can relate because you understand the major differences between a hetero couple TTC and a lesbian couple TTC. It's not easy, but I know for sure it is worth it. I no longer feel the incredible jealousy I felt before. I am still a little sad that they have it so easy, but that feeling is going away too. I am ready to move on...and make a baby!!

I searched around a little while to find a list for New Year's Eve...You know, something like "looking back on 2012." I'll be honest I really only google searched for a few minutes, so I wasn't really trying.

I think I will just ask myself some questions about this past year & then write about my hopes for the new year. This could be fun, right?

...Looking Back on 2012

1. What was your greatest accomplishment of 2012?
    I'd have to say my greatest accomplishment this year would be making my house more of a home for my family, and for my family to come. There are still things that need to be checked off our list before the house is really done, but we are getting there :)

2. What was your greatest fear of 2012?
    My greatest fear was Courtney hating me once she moved in. I was so nervous my habits and little quirks were going to be too much for her to handle. I am so happy I was wrong. We haven't had any problems at all. Her moving in was probably the best thing for both of us!

3. Who influenced you the most in 2012?
    Well, like with many years...I have to say my mom. At least on a personal level, she is the one who influenced me to have more patience, to realize things always happen how & when they are supposed to. Now, looking at the bigger picture...I would say the people of this country who voted to move forward with equality in November. I have a greater faith in our country after seeing inequality struck down state after state that night.

4. What is(are) your favorite memory(ies) from 2012?
    I loved taking road trips with my sweet Courtney this year. Even though we nearly strangled each other within the first 30 minutes of being in the car a few times. ;) We took adventures to places we have never been and we learned new things together...I can't wait to continue learning new things with her.

5. Did you accomplish any of your goals for 2012?
    I had goals to get rid of credit card debt. I consolidated A LOT of credit card debt when I refinanced my car. I was able to pay off high interest credit cards and save money at the same time. I am proud of that. Of course, with paying off those cards, we decided it was time to make home improvements...which we put on cards. So, for now it seems like this is the cycle. At least the cards we have balances on are 0% interest for a while.

Hopes for the New Year...

1. What is your number one goal for 2013?
    If you are reading this blog, I assume you already know my #1 goal. But if somehow you got here from a random google search, I'll fill you in...I want to become pregnant & I want that pregnancy to yield a healthy baby...and a couple happy healthy mommas too :)

2. What do you want other people to remember most about you at the end of 2013?
    I want people to see me as determined and dedicated to our goals. I want other people to look at Courtney and I and think "wow, someday they are going to be great parents!"

3. How do you plan to make an impact on the world in 2013?
    Recycling is a big deal to me. I hope to continue doing my part of cleaning up our environment with the recycling program the City offers. We also plan to cloth diaper to reduce waste in the landfills...hoping we have a tiny to cloth diaper towards the end of 2013!

4. Where is one place you want to visit in 2013?
    I would love to go back to California again at some point. I would also love to take a road trip up the east coast to visit our friends in the DC area again. Really a beach trip is in order for Courtney and I!!

5. How would you like to see yourself improve in 2013?
    Better health. I am not unhealthy now, but I could definitely shape up! Cut out the unhealthy habits I do have...no more sodas (even though those are few and far between), drink more water, get back into our exercise routine, eat less fast food, you know the usual :) I'd also like to get involved with some kind of volunteer program. The library is also just a block or two down the road, I would like to see Courtney and I make a habit of visiting the library for some quiet reading time.

See, that was fun :) Today is CD10, I started using my cheapie OPKs this morning, I won't get to test tonight because I am working at the Ice Rink until after midnight! I'm not worried about missing any surge tonight though, it is WAY too early for my body to be surging haha. I'll probably start on Thursday (CD13) with our ClearBlue Easy digital tests just to make sure we aren't missing the surge with the cheapies somehow. FF expects O around CD16-18, as usual. I am really, really hoping for CD17 evening surge...that way we can safely ship out on Monday night and insem Tuesday afternoon.

Have we asked you guys to cross your fingers for us, yet? Start crossing them, and your toes, and your eyes, and your arms, and your legs! :) Also, any new tips for the TWW? I'll take them. I have a feeling this one is going to be the worst.

Low Blow

I knew eventually one of my friends would get pregnant before me. I had imagined how I'd be upset, but happy and I would move on with my life. Well, one of my long time friends told our group of pals that she was pregnant at our Christmas dinner over the past week, and I was genuinely happy for her...smiles from ear to ear, because I knew they'd been trying. I wasn't upset at all. After that, I thought I was a champ at hearing news from other people...that I still wanted for me!

Cut to Christmas morning, after almost all the gifts were opened...my brother brings out this small box (I knew immediately - I was already trying to compose my feelings). My sister in law is pregnant. It was a complete shock to them, they weren't even trying, it just happened, all of these words just suck to hear. Really. So I cried. First tears of joy for them...because I am so excited for a new baby, but those tears quickly turned to ones of hurt. I had to leave the room. Courtney came to comfort me, but because she was in shock she didn't really have much to say. My brother came to check on me and I could genuinely feel his love. I think he knows how badly Courtney and I want to be moms...and as I'm typing this I am starting to tear up again. He almost apologized for not trying and succeeding. I could see the fear on his face...he said over and over that they are going to need help. I think this hit me the hardest because it shows how far we have come from just 5 years ago (another story for another time). He has no idea what to do, but he is going to be the best dad ever.

And then the internal battle began. I really don't want to be upset about this, I want to be happy...I am going to be an aunt!!! The next best thing to being a mom, right? It was just so hard for me to get to that happy place. I had to have a minute (which really turned out to be about 6 hours) of real sadness. I want it to be us. It is our turn now. I was jealous. Really jealous...and I hated it. I had all these immediate feelings of resentment towards them...because now they are going to have all of the "firsts" & it was an "accident?" I don't even want to admit these things. How horrible of me for actually thinking these things!! I got upset that now my mom will be called some special name for their baby first, not ours. My parents are going to be grandparents for them first. I almost feel like they stole that very first reaction from me. I feel like it won't be special at all when we finally get pregnant. That look on my mom's face when she saw that pregnancy test in that box. It won't be the same. Then to think...what if this doesn't work in January or February or March or....what if I have to wait even longer and she is going through all of these milestones, that should be mine? We have planned, we have tried, we are ready. They had no idea we were trying, how can I hold this against them? It is completely normal for them to just happen to get pregnant. It just sucks, and to top it off, the baby is due on Mom & Carol's birthday.

But, I have to be past that part now. I have to move on and remember, just because they got pregnant does NOT mean we have to stop trying. We are still on track for our plans in January. Nothing has changed for us. Who says my parents can't be grandparents twice in one year? Nobody. My mom even said I am going to have two babies in 2013 I just know it. So...we are still moving forward. I am happy for them. I am excited to possibly share my pregnancy experiences with her. I get to be an aunt first. It may not be exactly how we planned...because nobody expected it to be them first...but that doesn't change our goals. Courtney and I will be Mommas.

I am CD5 today. I have fancy digital OPKs ready to start using Thursday, CD13. I will be drinking my Fertilitea every day. I have an acupuncture appointment set up for Saturday, January 5, which is CD15. I plan on taking a half day Tuesday, January 8, CD18. Maybe we will watch baby movies all afternoon...maybe we will hold onto the baby onesie we bought months ago...maybe we will look silly saying words of encouragement to my ovaries...maybe we will have a picture of my grandma so she can give us good luck...and then...maybe January 22 I won't start my period again, and maybe January 24 I will pee on a stick and it will say I am pregnant, too. Maybe?

I sure hope so.

Awkward...

So we get to try again in January and we've stepped up our game by purchasing some more high tech ovulation kits.. You know, the ones with the smilies. Easy peasy. So, we're really hoping this helps us pin point things so that we can get preggers this time, BUT if for some reason that doesn't work we've discussed using another donor, a friend of mine (this is Court btw). Anyway, this person is much closer to us, within traveling distance and we can go to him on the day of ovulation and do our thing. I think we're just both feeling weird about the possibility of having to begin this whole journey with someone else and having to tell our other guy we will put his services on hold.

I guess we'll just have to see how it all goes in January.

Fingers crossed, people!!!

A lot Like Christmas!

Thanksgiving was great :)

I am so so so blessed to have my family. We changed things up this year, in recent years my mom's side of the family have all gathered together at one of my aunt's houses. This year half of us came together at my parents' house. It was SO much better than years past. I have a couple family members (I use those words loosely here) who are pretty clearly homophobic bigots. Needless to say it was wonderful NOT having them around. There are also a few family members who just aren't as close with the rest of the family, and they are just awkward. I liked the smaller more special time I got to spend with the family members who mean the most to me. To me, it felt like it used to when my grandma hosted Thanksgiving. I felt the love in each room...I didn't feel like I needed to pretend to be someone I'm not. I didn't feel like family was pretending to tolerate me. It was nice. So nice. I look forward to the same thing next year, instead of dreading being around family that just really isn't family anymore.

My birthday was this past Saturday!!

My family rented a cabin for the weekend, it was so great to get away with the ones I love the most :) I am 25 now, and intend to stay 25 for a few years!! The cabin we stayed in was called '50 Mile View' and it surely was an awesome view. A couple of friends and my aunt came up Saturday for some cake and to just hang out for a while. When Sunday came it was hard to leave and get back to the real world, but I will remember my first 25th birthday for years to come :) Some pictures of the sunsets...

Also, a raccoon came for a visit over the weekend :) 

Courtney and I sent out Christmas cards this year...Shutterfly is pretty awesome. Inexpensive, good quality cards and labels and they shipped fast! Let me see if I can attach a picture here...don't mind the picture of the computer screen there haha.

We have our tree(s) up!!

The one on the left is our fancy new pre-lit tree that I decorated with flowers from my grandma's Christmas tree. The one on the right is our small tree in our bedroom :) Cute cute!! It is feeling like Christmas at the Brazelton house for sure, now we just need to wrap some presents to put underneath that tree.

Today is my grandpa's birthday, we had lunch at Crown & Goose, a London pub-style restuarant. Always yummy! Here's the young man complete with his Birthday Button!



I think that's about all there is to update about for now!

OH WAIT! We have been talking with a more local known donor, its really sad to think Stacey is turning into "the typical gay boy" I hate to say that, but I don't know what else to think. He didn't even wish me a happy birthday, in fact the last time he responded to anything I sent him was the middle of November. I am disappointed with him. I almost want to just forget about trying with the kit he still has there. Maybe he will surprise us, but at this point I'm not counting on it :( We are ready to go with our new donor starting in February (if for some reason we do try in January with Stacey & it doesn't work)...Our new donor lives about 1.5 hours away, so even if we have to drive down after work, we can still manage that. I feel a lot more comfortable with this option. We have already printed up a pretty informal Known Donor Agreement, that we will have notorized...just so we all know what is expected from one another.

For now we are just enjoying the season. Both of us are working at Holidays on Ice, a small outdoor skating rink downtown, for some extra holiday spending money. I am still temping to confirm O, which should be in a couple of days, just to keep track. Hopefully the New Year will bring brand new things to our little family! I'm ready for a fresh start :)

Liebster Blog Award(s)!!!

I am honored that our blog was nominated (TWICE!) for the Liebster Award :) How sweet are my readers?!

**The Liebster Blog Award is given to bloggers by bloggers. It is a way to acknowledge each other and say "you're doing a great job". It is for blogs with 200 or less followers, so it's also a great way to spread the word about smaller blogs and get them more readers and followers!
Answer questions, then nominate 10 more bloggers & have them answer my questions.**

I have been slacking lately, partially because I haven't had anything to report babywise, and partially because I was angry about the first part. BUT, this is a great reason to get back to it!! I am going to answer the questions from Lexi & Sarah first, then I will answer LoveShackBaby's questions. This might be a lengthy post, but hopefully it will be fun to read :)

Questions from L&S: 

1. What is your favorite season and why?

I'm gonna have to pick two seasons, I know that's half the year, but its ok :) Fall & Spring- its the colors! I LOVE the colors of both these seasons.

2. What is something you cant live without?

I can't live with out chapstick. OR hand lotion. I hate dry skin/chapped lips.

3. If you could vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

I think I would have to say Italy. It is someplace I have always wanted to visit, and I love pizza :)

4. If given the ability to change one thing in this world what would you choose?

I would change people's attitudes about equality. Everyone Everywhere deserves to be treated equally.

5. Do you have any regrets in life?

I wish I spent more time with my grandma.

6. Why did you start blogging?

I started this blog to document our story for our future child(ren). I have always had some interest in blogging, however, my aunt Carol actually printed off this massive binder of my blog from my senior year in high school...oh how things have changed!

7. What is your best trait?

Best trait? I can talk to a wall. Really, I think I can find common ground with anyone, and we can strike up a conversation for hours.

8. What is your worst trait?

Talking for hours ;) No, I think my worst trait is my temper. I am learning patience little by little.

9. What is your best childhood memory?

There are so many, but the one that stands out today is The Talking Tree. All the grandkids have sat in the talking tree. It's this big tree in my grandparents' front yard...that has the perfect branches to climb and hide and play on. When it is filled with leaves you can hardly see who's in it, I guess that's where the name came from, because it seemed like the tree was talking :)

10. Who are 3 people you would love to have dinner with (living or dead)?

Ellen DeGeneres, Courtney's mother Connie and Walt Disney 

11. Who is someone you miss?

My grandma.

Now, onto LoveShackBaby's questions:

1. What is your favorite thing to blog about?

My favorite thing to blog about is BABY news :) I love to write about our next steps and exciting news helping us get one step closer to our baby!

2. What are your feelings about dogs sleeping in bed with their owners?
Well, I have mixed feeling about this...because Charlie sleeps with us, even though she has a nice comfy bed on the floor (& that is where we'd prefer her sleep).

3. What is your favorite memory ages 13-16?
I would have to say meeting one of my good pals Lee, we met through a children's choir when I was 13. She is like my little sister, we had some of the best times together & to this day she holds a special piece of my heart!

4. Could you see yourself as a life coach?
I do give out some pretty good advice...and I like to think I'm a good listener, so I'd say I could give it a go!

5. Are you looking forward to anything in particular in 2013?
Starting back TTC in January, and the possibility of a 2013 baby :)

6. What is a must-have in your kitchen?
Non-stick EVERYTHING.

7. Favorite mode of transportation?
I love the Subway, I know I know...I live in small(ish) town TN where Public Transit might as well be non-existent, but when I have traveled to major cities I have always enjoyed the underground, the L, the Subway, the Tube...its always great :)

8. Have you ever had a nickname that you really hated?
I really can't think of any name that's bothered me...

9. What was your happiest moment today?
Receiving our Christmas Cards from Shutterfly in the mail!!

10. Would you rather decorate handmade cards or cut out snowflakes?
Handmade Cards, I'm too ADHD to cut snowflakes....well pretty ones at least.


My Nominations: I'm sure some of these have been nominated already, but that's ok :)
1. Ashley: She is an inspiration through some of the tough times, even when she feels like she is just complaining, she is strong!
2. NonFatCaramel: This is a spunky couple all the way from England, sharing their successes and sorrows.
3. Jessica: I am keeping everything crossed for this sweet sweet couple going through the long adoption process!
4. Nadine: It is so fun to read this blog, she translates each post for friends and family back home!
5. T&A: T just gave birth to the cutest little girl with SO much hair! I think she has more than me until I was 3 years old :)
6. W&E: They have a sweet little girl, and now they are ready for #2!
7. Doug & Bill: This is a couple of dads with their new addition to their family, through surrogacy.
8. Lex: I love that she doesn't sugarcoat some things others might.
9. Mommy & Mum: They are in the beginning stages of TTC. I can't wait to share the ride!
10. Shells: They are expecting a baby boy in just a couple months!

Questions for my nominees:
1. What is something you are proud of?
2. What is your favorite Holiday tradition?
3. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
4. How do you de-stress?
5. What is your Favorite Disney movie?
6. Who is your biggest influence & why?
7. How far have you traveled from home?
8. Which book would you recommend?
9. Who would you travel to the moon with?
10. What is your dream car?

Have fun!!

The Frustration Post

I think it's safe to say that Jamie and I both believe in fate in a way. Maybe in a sense of karma.. if you put good things out into the universe good will come back to you. I keep trying to tell her that it is our fate to have a baby, but maybe just not right this second. Maybe January.. or February.. or whenever.

Things with our known donor are just not working out like we both anticipated they would. I feel bad saying this because he is one of Jamie's good friends, but I'm disappointed in him. Yes we've had two tries, but we have also been let down twice now. I know that this is a process and that we're asking him to take time out of his day to do his business and go to UPS and make a shipment and that's definitely not his obligation, BUT he has said more than once that he wants to help with this. Making a baby is no small ordeal. It's complicated and takes a lot of work and, most of all, it means a lot.. so I guess I just don't understand how we can get an email late in the day he is supposed to send us a shipment saying that it turns out he doesn't have time to send it.

It's very discouraging, more so for Jamie than me because she's going to be carrying the baby. She feels more of a connection to this child already. While I'm very excited to have a baby, she is already putting in the work for it so I can't imagine her disappointment when things don't work out. I'm trying to stay positive for the both of us, though. I'm trying to tell her that maybe right now just isn't our time and maybe that's the way that it was intended to be. Maybe we'll have our time soon and that will be what is perfect for us, but I'm starting to feel like I'm trying to convince myself. I guess maybe we just need some reassurance that this will happen and that we don't need to give up. I know one day it will work and we will get the positive and all of the time we spent trying will just disappear in the excitement, but I just want it to be soon. I don't want to spend years trying, and I know that's how it works out for a lot of gay couples.


This is Jamie now. I am just sad. It makes it harder that my friends who have recently gotten married are posting news about expecting babies...some with the same due dates we would have had from the first round of trying. We don't have an endless supply of swimmers. I don't think he really understands how much planning it takes on my part to make sure we have the perfect environment for that ONE try we get for that month. I just wish the communication was better...I mean I pretty much just wasted a month's worth of OPKs. I will continue temping to confirm that I did O. Next month I will temp just enough to confirm O again, because I don't want to just stop. I can't. I will keep taking my prenatals...and I will keep tracking signs. But, we won't try again until at least January...it would be too difficult trying to plan around the holidays. Even January may not work out with timing on my end...

I am frustrated. I remember reading these same frustrated posts on others' blogs. Reading the same frustrations. Feeling sorry for those couples. Hoping that would never be us...and I know. I know we are literally still in the very beginning of this journey (4 months since we started trying), but nobody wants to hit this road block. We have one kit left...after we use that kit we have to make a decision to have a serious discussion with our KD about making us a priority for those few days, or we move on to frozen sperm from a bank. Neither of us really wants to go the bank route just yet. It seems so impersonal. How can we feel comfortable not really knowing the person that makes up half of our baby? How can we trust they didn't just make up a story for their profile? How am I supposed to be ok knowing that frozen sperm isn't always the best bet...and we'd be paying lots of money, for...not the best bet? What do we say to our child when they ask about their dad? Oh sweetheart he is #2358 from so & so. I know this is more than ok for some couples, some prefer that, and more power to you. It just isn't what we had planned for us. For our family. We are ok with having two moms and a dad who lives in California...we were both ready for that family.

This forced break will definitely give us time to talk about everything. Save up some money for the possibility of a sperm bank purchase. Read up on using frozen sperm. I am not ready to go this route...but I can get ready. We aren't giving up this easily, duh! I just wanted the perfect little new normal family. It can still work out, I know that. I know that it is possible for us to look back at this post and laugh...even in January or February, after we get a BFP. Saying "man we were real worry warts for a hot minute there." It is the power of positive thinking. And timing. And charting. And being healthy. And.....all kinds of other things :)

For now though, I need to be sad. I need to be disappointed. And I need to be ok with these feelings...so we can move on, and make a new plan.

I apologize for the lengthy post, it was something we both needed to get out...so there it is.

And we're out.

I knew we were too early with the insemination this time. I even told our KD as soon as I have you ship it out Friday my body will decide to ovuLATE...literally. & that's basically what happened. So, our plan is to take a chance and wait until I actually surge (or wait until that 2nd line is almost as dark as the first one) to have him ship it out. According to FF that will be 2 weeks from today...man it would be much easier if we were in the same state.

I have a feeling that Fertilitea worked its magic thickening up my lining. These cramps are mean and they are making me mean. Anyway, I need to get past the sad & onto the planning stage again. Court and I are certain once we get the timing down, we will be done with this part for at least 9 months. I just can't wait to be at that point.

Now that I am all bleedy and everything, we are going to ride roller coasters at Dollywood very soon. They have the prettiest seasonal decorations, and it is the perfect temperature to be outside all day. Of course my allergies don't agree with that, but it's ok.

It is busy season for me at work again, which is great...I'm not sitting at my desk all day reading everything I can about babies and how to get one in my uterus. HA who am I kidding, of course I make time for those things.

Speaking of work, I need to get back to drinking my day-old coffee and making horrid faces every time it hits my tastebuds...but I'm tired, I do crazy things to keep from being tired.

Good day All.

All Aboard!!

This weekend was so so gloomy!! I am not looking forward to this winter, unless of course there is snow. If there is snow, I'll be a happy camper...not that I'll be camping, but I will be happy :)

The package arrived as scheduled Saturday morning, we put it in the refridgerator until after we ran some errands and knew we would be in for the night. We knew after reading it should be no problem to have the swimmers wait a little longer. Everything went off without a hitch Saturday night, and now we wait!

This TWW we plan to be pretty low key about it all, only my mom and aunt Carol know we tried -I also told them baby questions are off limits for two weeks...I'm so glad they are understanding and don't take offense to me being so blunt- I don't feel like I could be letting anyone down this go around (I know I didn't let anybody down last time...its just how my brain works). I already feel less stressed this time. My plan is to completely forget that we even inseminated Saturday. No symptom checking, no early testing. Just living our life :) Should be easy, right!!

Because I am so in tune with my body, I know I ovulated early this morning...right on time. I should start to see my temps rise tomorrow. I'm really glad we opted for Satuday delivery, because tomorrow would be too late.

Today is my younger brother's birthday! We drove up to McCloud Restaurant for an early birthday celebration yesterday. We all had a great time and enjoyed the company. It was really cloudy and cold when we first arrived, but after we had lunch it started to clear up and the sun started to shine, so that was pretty perfect!!

Courtney and I kind of went crazy with buying movie tickets from Half Off Depot and Groupon...so I think we will be seeing lots of movies these next few months :) What can I say? I can't pass up a good deal!! Anywayyyy....we are driving down to GA to visit some friends Friday evening & then we are going to the ATL Pride Parade Sunday afternoon (I've never been to any pride event, ever, so this should be entertaining). I think having the weekend to look forward to will help keep my brain occupied :)

I guess that's really all for now...keep your fingers and toes crossed that we will be sane enough to make it through this TWW effortlessly!!

OH YEAH!!! Fence Pictures!!!!

SO incredibly happy with the finished product!! It looks GREAT & Charlie loves not having to be on her leash to go outside every single time...she can run so fast! I feel safer with the finished fence and gates and no holes. It is such a relief...now we just have to pay off the Home Depot card within 24 months to avoid paying interest :)

Ok now, that's all!

Lots of Excitement

There is lots of excitement at the Brazelton house this week!!

Court became a licensed resident of the beautiful state of TN today, we had materials delivered this morning for the new fence that should be installed on Wednesday or Thursday, Presidential Debates start Wednesday (I'm officially old), and the insemination is scheduled for Saturday (unless this fertilitea bumps that up), we also have a Subaru service appointment - this is probably going to be our favorite, because I told Courtney we could test drive some cars (just for fun Mom!!) and drive down to Puppy Zone to play while we wait (again just for fun Mom!!).

We are also Fallsifying (see what I did there?) the house with crafts found on the amazing Pinterest. We each made cute little wreaths, we have some letters to finish painting, there is going to be a scaryish scene set up out front, and spider webs...Courtney loves spider webs -not the real ones- on the mail box.

The leaves are beginning to change and there is a cool crisp feeling in the air...I LOVE it. I don't remember this part last year, I think it went from Summer to Winter. No nice transition. One of the best things about TN is the 4 full seasons...usually...& the colors! Oh the colors of fall, they are going to be great this year!!

A friend of mine, who is an awesome photographer, recently asked if Courtney & I would mind helping fill out her portfolio...duh, of course not!! Everyone is just a tiny bit vain, and likes to have their photos taken every now and then :) &&& She is going to give us the full disk for FREE. She wants to have some same-sex engagement photos, and here we are a couple of girls who so happen to be engaged, and we are just pretty cute so it all works out. It gave us an excuse to go buy a couple matchy shirts and figure out some coordinating outfits...we are excited about it all!! I am pretty honored she asked us to help her out. We have been thinking about hiring someone for a while to take some pictures of us because the only ones we really have are at an arms distance. Nothing fancy. Now we will have something to put in all the empty frames I have hanging out at the house :)

I think that is all I have for now....Next post should be some before/after shots of our fence! Hooray :)

FertiliTea & Allergies

Hidy all!

Has anyone ever tried this fertilitea stuff? It is meant to give a boost to the whole reproductive system. I ordered some and have started to drink it pretty regularly, it is really tasty and best if you can drink it hot. It makes these chilly East TN mornings feel better :)

I have absolutely no clue if the fertilitea had anything to do with this or not, but I did start a day or two earlier than I expected. I assume ovulation will be a day or two earlier too...this is all well and good...just a day or two early makes ovulation day MONDAY. Only the worst day ever when you are using shipped sperm from your KD. Of course, of course this would be our luck!! It's ok, maybe my ovulation will move up the full two days & actually happen on Sunday, that would be perfect for our new Saturday delivery!!

Rolling with the punches. That's what we are learning how to do...I'm excited to be close to trying again after our forced break. For now I am CD2...and the only complaint in my life is stinking allergies. Knoxville has the worst allergies...especially Fall allergies :( Oh well I'll deal.

We are moving forward on having our new fence built!! I am so so excited about that... I'll definitely post some before/afters of that because you all need to see what we have been living with for a while. My neighbors are going to be so happy!

Speaking of before/afters...does anyone remember when we ripped up carpet to lay bamboo floors in our bedroom?? Well here is that difference... 

   

It looks and feels AMAZING!! 

Um, other than sharing that the October Cycle is finally upon us, allergies are miserable, and showing off our new floors...I think that's it. I hope everyone out there is enjoying the cooler weather and hopefully you guys get to see some of the same colors I'm sure East TN will have to offer us pretty soon!

Mission Aborted

Well we had some miscommunications with our KD...& he wasn't in cell phone service range to get the message it was time to ship! So my intuitions were right that it wasn't going to work this month...I'm glad he didn't ship them late & just throw that money down the drain.

Now we will plan better for next month!! & I have a really good feeling about it working in October, plus my ovulation should be during the week not on a Sunday. All around better.

Ok now we wait...some more :)

& You Thought I Disappeared!

Hello blogland!! Have no fear, I am back!! I know that two weeks was torture without me, but I needed it :) I stepped back from obsessing for the two weeks between bleeding and ovulating to recollect my brain. Speaking of bleeding, that 3 day late period was awful. It was the heaviest period I have had in quite a long time...the cramps were miserable and I was sure I was going to bleed to death. Not fun, but its done & now here we are. Don't worry I still stalked you guys and I still checked in on Baby Center, I just wasn't obsessing. It was nice.

Tonight the TN Valley Fair starts and I work every day of it to make some extra money. I love it...well in past years it wasn't so great because of one lady I had to work with, but I am working at a different area this year and I am really excited!! It is 10 days...10 very long days, I will still be working my normal job...so in total I will put in about 108 hours...in 10 days. Did I mention that? That's a lot. I enjoy the atmosphere and the many different people I will get to meet. It is generally easy work, the best part of all is that it will keep my mind busy for most of the TWW we have coming up :)

Yep. I said it. We are going to try again this month!! I honestly thought we wouldn't be able to swing it, but I had DonorHomeDelivery.com send Stacey a kit last week so he would be familiar with the protocol and ready to go when we needed him to be. Well I am right on track to be ovulating in the next day or two, so we will have him overnight the swimmers to us this evening & use them tomorrow afternoon. At least the timing will be closer this go around. Instead of the last insem. being three days prior to ovulation, this one should be the day before.

I know it is bad to say, but I already think this month isn't going to work. I have a feeling October will be our month...but that isn't stopping us from trying of course!! I have this mindset that we will have pretty perfect timing and things will work out fine for the insemination...it just won't work this month. Is that weird? Has anyone ever experienced that before? I am already mentally prepared for it not to work. I think this mindset is really going to prove to be a blessing. I won't want to search any 'symptoms' or be worried about my temps (I will still temp of course because its habit now). I am ready to go into this one completely stress free and completely prepared to start again from scratch in October!

Alrighty. In 10 days I may be able to update again, that is if I'm not in a sleepcoma!

Drumroll Please....

BFN(big freaking fat farty negative).

I am 14 dpo...my temps are still slowly climbing. .3 up from yesterday, in fact. I had a pretty dark (not positive) OPK last night. I just wanted to see if that whole myth was true that you can get a +OPK before a +HPT(Home Pregnancy Test), well I definitely don't have a +HPT....even using one of those fancy First Response deals with FRESH pee this morning, nada. Unless my eyes at 6:00 a.m. were just not picking up the faintest of faint lines? I think I'll post pictures of the past few months I have charted...maybe you guys will have some insight?

So, May was the month I went camping, and had wonky temps to begin with. June was the month that lasted forever, & here we are now. I know I have only been temping for these three months, but prior to May, I was tracking my periods like a hound & I was like clockwork. A nice 28-30 day cycle, favoring the 28 days more. As far as I can tell, my temps are doing what they are supposed to this month...usually 10 dpo I start to drop...here we are 14 dpo & still climbing (be it little by little). That's good right?

Yesterday I was sure AF was just going to flood me at any moment. Then nothing. Today I feel completely fine if not for a little underarm breast tenderness and the slightest bit of bloating/pressure in my abdomen. I don't feel pregnant or like AF is coming. I have no clue if that is good or bad.

I am still holding onto that tiny thread of hope that I'm one of those late BFPers. If that temp dip on 11 dpo is in fact 'implantation' then I may not see a +HPT for even a few more days...right? I'll keep testing with my internet cheapies, because when we ordered the OPKs we got a bazillion.

I'm trying to stay away from Baby Center. Some of those ladies on the non-GLBT boards are just so callous and rude. If the way those ladies treat some people on a website bodes how they are as parents, then it must be true that lesbian and gay people truly are better parents than most. You can see the blatant difference in the way we meticulously plan and wait and plan some more, you can see the love that is there between partners, you can tell that every single child is wanted. The other boards...I don't see that. I don't see the love, I really don't see many people planning anything (what with their 3rd and 4th accidents & they call them accidents?!). Yeah, I know we are just beginning this journey, but really...really.

ANYWAY------It is my momma & Carol's birthday!!!!!!! YAY :) We will enjoy and celebrate them today and worry about testing another time...this will happen for us. We just need a little patience worry rock to hold on to or something.

Until next time.... :) p.s. keep your fingers and toes crossed!

Grocery List of a Pregnant Lady?



The left side of the picture is a list of symptoms of pregnancy from a book, the right side is a list of things I wanted from the grocery store. Not at all weird, right? Courtney said I match the list on the left, and the things I wanted from the store just topped it off. I guess we will know for sure in two short days...maybe? :)

My temp dipped yesterday and then went back up today, implantation anyone? I think I've already suspected that once this cycle, but now I don't think that first suspision was real, there were no crampies accompanying the temp dip. Today I have some twinges, it feels a little different. Not like AF just yet...but different. My CM is a little increased and watery...I know everyone loves to read about that. I am 12 dpo, my breasts aren't as tender, my back and upper legs are still achy, and I am still mooooooody. My belly feels warm inside again. & ummm I think that's it. Oh yeah, I'm hungry. a lot.

Ok, that's my check in for today. Sticky Baby Dust all around :)

Downhill Slope :)

Holy Cow!!!! 6 more days. Just 6 teeeensy more sleeps.

All I really have to say is, if this isn't a babything growing......this is the meanest PMS I've ever known. Let's make a list:

• Bloated and gassy pretty much since ovulation.
• Congested...well sinusy? I don't know, there are boogers and they are gross.
• Increasingly more tired each day.
• Actually eating like five meals a day.
• Boobs are sore...I used to always have horribly sore boobs before AF when I was younger, it was actually another reason I started birth control a while back. But since I have been off BCP, my boobs haven't been noticeably sore at all even with AF. So that is a little off, however I can't completely discount it.
• This morning I feel like I was doing ab workouts all night, my core is just achy. 
• The freaking emotions, I have to laugh at myself when I bite Court's head off, because I can't stop it...then I want to cry in case I hurt her feelings. I mean I don't really feel stressed about any of this right now. It is what it is, so I can't blame my emotions on anything but hormones. Whether they are PMS or Pregnancy we will find out soon :)  

I do love comparing all of my symptoms with the people over on BabyCenter. I like to know I'm not the most insane...I can rationalize most of what I'm feeling. Of course, it is tough to doubt being pregnant when literally EVERYTHING is a symptom. According to FF I am 8dpo, I think I may really be closer to 9dpo. Still, that is too early to test. I am determined to test when we should be able to see 2 distinct lines. No question. I realize sometimes you may only see the faintest of lines on the day you miss your period, so that is a grey area.

Honestly, I'm not doing anything differently. I'm still having my cup of coffee in the morning, I'm still eating fast food (on occassion), I am still drinking lots of water like normal, I am sleeping as much as I can, I mowed the yard. I'm pretending I have NO clue at all there is a possibility of being pregnant -like so so so many of our straighty counterparts- and I am living life as usual {with a slight symptom checking obsession} I'm not trying to stress my body out by only eating certain things, I just eat when I'm hungry & I sleep when I'm tired.

We have some friends coming from out of town this weekend, so that will keep us occupied & away from the pee sticks! Until next time...who knows, maybe next time will be a cutesie little picture of one of those pee sticks with the two most meaningful lines I've ever seen?

Baby Dust & Sticky Thoughts!

It's Aliiiiiiivveeeee!!!

Something has happened.. something very strange.

Ever since insemination Jamie has had.. feelings. That's right. Actual feelings. We used to like to kid that she was a robot. It was mainly her who would kid about it because, while she had her sweet side, she was virtually carefree and didn't let much of anything bother her. She was emotionless in comparison to me. I, on the other hand, am Sensitive Sally. If you so much as say something the wrong way I'm going to take it to heart and probably get my itty bitty feelings hurt along the way. We've both learned to cope with it. Jamie will just overlook and I'll not acknowledge my wanting to be a baby because I know it's silly so I'll just put my big girl panties on and get over things.

Lately Jamie has become me.. and by lately I mean the past 2 days haha. But you know.. Anyway the one who could not be bothered is suddenly chock full of emotion at times and I don't know what to do with her. One moment we'll be having an innocent conversation and something will be taken the wrong way then she's pouty and expressing a vulnerability that I've never seen before. Shortly after this wave of emotion she comes to the realization that she's done this and says she doesn't know what's going on. Needless to say we're both convinced that one of these spermies has made it's way to the egg and she's already experiencing hormonal changes. So what if it hasn't been that long?? We can hope :)

If this is the case we will surely have a ton of interesting posts coming soon. Should be exciting!!

Winning Big at the School Carnival

So, I have turned into an obsessive TTC lady. I bet nobody saw that coming ;)

Alright, let me break it down for you. We inseminated 8/5 & 8/6. I am now thinking I o'd 8/8 - 8/9 (CD15-16). Obviously, I'm obsessing over ever tiny thing....duh, what else are you supposed to do during this TWW(two week wait)? I am bloated, super gassy, unsettled belly and even have stinking acid burps (I didn't think I was capable of so much nasty)....of course these are all primarily ovulation related. I believe it is safe to say I am 2-3DPO(days past ovulation). If this is the case, EVERY single 'symptom' I am feeling is silly. Beyond silly really. But I have started to find -leave it to me to find that a toe-pain is a pregnancy symptom- really though I have found some stories of other ladies who knew pretty much immediately that something was happening...some of those stories ended happily and others just had a bad tuna melt. I am not discounting the possibility that I could be one of those ladies lucky enough to know 'something' was happening...but it is a real possibility that my tuna melt wasn't the freshest, too.

On a real not so silly note...I was concerned that my BBT wasn't as high as it typically gets. It is rising daily, I just didn't see that 'day after ovulation spike' like I am accustomed to. After searching the interwebs, I have concluded that all is fine. I had a wonky cycle last month, honestly I should expect no less than a little irregularities this month. I found that, as long as temps keep rising, things are moving in the right direction. I am happy with that discovery...Courtney, however, thinks I'm a nutcase for being awake with this bright space contraption on my lap blogging. SOOORRRY....I'm just getting you back for the teeth grinding/snoring :)

I am so in tune with what is happening with and in my body all the time that this little wait we have here is going to be so so fun. I can literally feel when my body is ovulating...I swear I can feel the exact moment the tiny pinpoint of an egg releases. I just second guess myself when my temperatures don't do what I want them to do. Other than the typical O-pains I have been a smidgen sleepy (hello we just got back from San Diego, jet lag), cranky (I'm always moody, let's be real), my sinuses are acting up (it is also Summer in East TN), I feel full & hungry at the same time (ovulation can do that) and I have crazy random hiccups, but the biggest 'issue' I've noticed is my belly feeling warm. It doesn't feel warm to the touch, but from the inside out, it doesn't hurt...I can feel my belly turning -from the nice gas bubbles- but the warm sensation is totally different. Kinda hard to explain, I am being more pessimistic over here, as to not get overwhelmed with the maybes super early. I am definitely keeping all crossable limbs crossed, as if I'm about to win big at the School Carnival, that this very well could be something. I'm keeping a daily notepad of 'symptoms' just to be able to look back on...if/when...that time comes :)

Now it is 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning, I am trying to keep my gassiness to a hush, but my belly is so rumbly, I'm sure I have woken up the neighbors. I have a kitten snuggled beside me and a comatose Charlie girl at my legs. Courtney has rolled over away from the screen. These things need a 'night mode.'

Until next time...keep blowing that Baby Dust this way. I'm going to enjoy this weekend!!

Back to Reality

We are actually on the plane back to Nashville as I type this. --it is a Word Doc…but still, we are on the plane-- Fun stuff! I really am not looking forward to getting back into the normal routine of real life :( Our trip was awesome, relaxing, carefree, and so much fun…Even when Stace & Court were ganging up against me!!

Our flight out was delayed nearly 2.5 hours…so we spent close to 6 hours hanging out in the Nashville airport, with no free wifi…or I’d have probably updated that we were super bored. But if we had free wifi we could’ve watched Netflix or something!! We didn’t get into SD until around 11:00 (2:00am our time). Needless to say we were exhausted!

We went to Sea World on Thursday, and all three of us got fried. It didn’t even get that hot, like 79 tops, but it was definitely sunny!! Whoops…I guess I’d rather get sunburned the first day than the last day. Now at least most of it has turned into a tan :)

We did most of the touristy things, walked on the beach, ate too much, drank some delicious coffee, bought some souvenir trinkets, and saw the sights. I will post some pictures once I get them to the computer. We really didn’t take too many pictures though. :/

Stacey has only lived in his condo for 3 weeks, and he didn’t have his wifi set up yet…or maybe I would have posted from there, too :) My phone also had less than average service where he lives, it was kind of nice to really not be super concerned with the happenings of FB or worrying about my phone all the time for a while.

Ok…so the moment we’ve all been reading for. The deed. The big show. The baby dance? Ha ha. Well, original plans were to insem Friday, Sunday and Monday. Friday we all pretty much just crashed & didn’t even worry about it (ok I was worried, but it really wasn’t a huge issue because it most likely would’ve been too early anyway). So, Sunday was the first one. It was weird. I knew it was going to be a little weird, but we were hilarious and bought a sippy cup to use for our collection cup. We named it the Death Star…not sure if that was a bad idea…but we did. We tried our best to make light of the situation. After all was done we convened in the living room to continue watching the Olympics, like it was no big deal. Because it was no big deal really! I used preseed & an instead cup (as best as I could, it wasn’t the easy thing to use, but after I didn’t use it Monday I could definitely tell how it holds things in place.) I probably should have used it after Monday’s insem too, but I thought I laid around long enough (a little over an hour watching more Olympics of course) for the spermies to get where they were going…we will see right??

I didn’t get a +OPK while we were there, I really didn’t expect to, but it would’ve been nice. Now we are hoping to see that tonight or tomorrow night. I had the normal CM that leads up to O, so I know we aren’t too terribly far off! My temps are still low, which means we didn’t miss it. For now we wait to see that temperature rise & then we get to wait some more!! I guess this is the start of our TWW? Or should we start counting from O? If it is now, I am feeling pretty stress free. We have done what we can for this try… All we can do is leave it up to the luck of the draw.  (P.s. we all found shiny lucky pennies at Sea World.) I’m supposed to start my next cycle the 22-24 of August…at least that’s what FF says, let’s hope that’s like 9 months off :)  

Court is napping, so I may try to do the same for a little while. We should touch down in a couple of hours.  

Until next time!! Baby Dust! 

Officially TTC!!

Ok in little more than an hour we will be on the road (literally) to TTC!!!! I can't believe we are finally to this point in our adventure! Amazing how time flies. We are driving to Nashville then flying out around 5:50 this afternoon :) Our equipment is packed. Both of my moms (Carol & Mom) have called this morning to be sure we haven't left anything out :)

I am anxious, excited and nervous. I haven't been able to eat today, because of my nervous belly. I had too much coffee so I am all over the place. I'm sure we will forget something...so long as we have the necessities we will be fine. I wrote a list like a mother to a babysitter for our furbabies. I watered my plants at work, payroll is set up for my back-up to complete next week. All that's left is to get to San Diego & be stress free :) ha. ha. ha.

Our Plan: Start POAS today (even tho I am only CD8 & I know it will be -) I want to be sure to catch the LH surge. We will do insems Friday, Sunday & Monday...maybe, maybe Tuesday early morning...in hopes to have plenty of swimmers 'on deck' waiting for that little egg to come out to play! Still expecting O Monday or Tuesday. We know it is going to be early for some of the insems, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Sure enough as soon as we don't insem Friday night, I will O early on Saturday and possibly miss out. I typically O CD13-16, last month it was later...so luck will have it that travelling will make this one sooner. Also, after doing some reading, healthy spermies can live for a couple of days in my system. We have no reason to suspect anything unhealthy from either me or Stacey, so that's what we are banking on!!

After all is said and done, either this works & our timing is perfect - that's what it all depends on anyway - or it doesn't work this time. We will keep our heads high and move on to the next try. No biggie :) I am just excited to be here. I don't think Stacey will ever know how grateful we really are to have him. What more could a couple of girls ask for?!

Wish us luck...because here we go!!

My Girl

AF finally made an appearance after the crazy ovulation cycle from last month, and according to FF, our timing is still pretty good...if not perfect :) My boob is healing nicely from the two incisions. We have our bags mostly packed for our adventure to San Diego in TWO days!!! I'd say things are right on track again :) We are feeling good about everything, mostly excited and happy to be going on vacation. We are looking at the baby part of it as an awesome perk to our trip!! Not stressing too much.

Have I mentioned how cute my mom is?? Well she is. She came over Friday evening to spend some time with us before she and the rest of my family headed to FL for vacation on Saturday. I could tell she was a little apprehensive about something. I thought at first she was just sad about going on a family vacation without me (which she is & I am, my whole family is in Destin right now...and I'm about to jetset to the other side of the country). It wasn't until she started asking about our 'plans' for our trip did I realize she was actually concerned about how 'this' was all going to work out.

I'll just say it. She thought we were literally going to use a turkey baster......a Thanksgiving turkey baster.

See...she's cute. So, to put her mind at ease, I asked if she'd just like to see what we are going to use. (I'm so glad the relationship I have with my mother is strong enough to talk about sperm and syringes and preseed). After seeing that we were NOT going to try to use some huge turkey baster to make a grandbaby, she was happy knowing the chances of it having three arms and 6 eyes were less. Shew. The teensy tiny syringes are smaller than a tampon! hahaha I couldn't imagine a turkey baster!! I'll admit the laugh she gave us was much needed. Also, I think I am ready to tell her about this bloggy poo, now that she is all in the know about how things are happening. Might as well give her some reading material while she's at the beach! Hi Momma!!  :)

Also, this happened...Courtney was super cute a few weeks ago. I'll set the scene-- One Friday evening I was feeling gross in my compression wrap just two days after surgery, we were watching some mindless TV, it was getting late so by 'watching' I mean with one eye open trying to prove I'm still 24 not 54, and I can stay awake past 10:30. Court told me she wrote something for the blog and asked if I'd like to hear it. Of course I would....this is what she had to say:

"So Jamie and I have been together a little over a year now and life could not be better. I can honestly say that she brings out the best in me and makes me want to be a better person. She's got it all together, she's so smart, super silly and, to top it all off, she's gorgeous. I couldn't imagine my life without her. She has made me a full part of her life and her family and I could not ask for more from her and never repay her for the happiness she has brought me. And, although she may not want to admit it, she can be a little sweet.. just sometimes. I have always wanted kids, but had never actually been with anyone who I could see myself wanting a family with up until her. There's no person in this world that I would rather spend my life with and raise children with and share all of my adventures with. Every single day I love this girl more and more and I know that this is what it's like to really be in love.. so basically what I'm trying to say is that I like it so I wanna put a ring on it." < this is a joke...about the song & it is totally perfect.

Then she reached in her pocket and pulled out a fantastic ring!! I am fairly certain I know what being in shock is now! Duh, I said yes. After asking a million times if this is real life. First of all the ring was exactly what I had talked about liking...and she did a great job finding something so similar. (& we actually said we'd not tell anyone this, but here I am doing just that!) It was too flashy for me...I know I'm terrible! She, being the wonderful future wife she is, took me to exchange it for something more low key. The fine people of Jared were more than happy to help and we went home with this gorgeous piece of love....

Now we just wait until America comes around to the new age. We don't want to run off and get married in someplace that isn't our home, just to come back with literally nothing. If it is just a ceremony that means something to us, then it is already in our hearts. For now, this is perfect. Our life is perfect.

**All we are missing is a baby! In two days time, just two days...we are going to try to make that dream a reality :)** 

Weighting Game

So I still haven't seen AF yet, I am waiting [im]patiently. Each day that passes surely pushes O away even further....we don't want that. We would like for O to be around August 4-7, because that would be ideal :) Of course that's what we would like!! But because last cycle (I guess this cycle still UGH) was so messed up the 'ideal' pretty much flew out the window. At this rate, however, we are still going to be in the range of "right" time, granted it is a long shot, there is still a shot!! & we are going to take it :)

In the meantime, Court & I are doing a cleanse. A Pinterest find called The G.M. Cleanse. Apparently it was formulated back in the 50s for General Motors Company for employees to get in shape and be more energized and all that jazz....click here to check it out. We are on day 2, veggie day. I am down 2.6lbs from yesterday, and Courtney is down 2.8! So we are doing something right. We wanted to do something to kind of trim down a little before we jet set to SD, and with my boob still healing it isn't super easy to go for a run or lift weights...changing our diet was/is the easiest. Don't get me wrong, eating THREE things yesterday was not easy by any means...really. hahaha it is a test of your wills & I am proud to say we both won, at least the first day. Today is still early...and I've had a plain baked potato for breakfast. I can see you are all jumping on over to that link now, you can hardly weight --see what I did there-- to start this super awesome cleanse :) Honestly, I do feel better already, and surprisingly that potato really did help with the energy!!

I'll be sure to update at the end of Day 7 with our final results!!

How about for now everyone cross your fingers and toes and hope that my little body starts to act normal, like RIGHT NOW :) Cool thanks!

Until next time.....BABY DUST

Boob Job...no not that kind...

I (Jamie) had surgery this morning to remove two breast masses from my right breast. I already had a biopsy on both of them & they came back as something called firbroadenomas? I'm sure I've misspelled that. Oh well, I know they are most likely absolutely nothing. (they are running them thru pathology again just to be extra sure) They suggested removal, especially after knowing we are going to start trying to make a baby in 21 DAYS!!! Apparently these types of masses will grow significantly during pregnancy, because they feed off estrogen. I really wasn't going to take that chance.

All went well earlier, surgery was at 11:00 and lasted less than 30 minutes!! I was only a little nervous, but I knew that I was in good hands. I have just been taking it easy the rest of the day. I feel perfectly fine, and I'm not really in any pain. Keeping ice on it through tomorrow & taking pain pills as instructed if I need them. I may go back to work in the morning, if I feel this great! Courtney has been an awesome little butler today :) because she is such a good helper, I may just milk it!!!

Baby Front: I have had a strange ovulation deal this month...I'm almost convinced I have ovulated twice. CD17 I had pretty bad cramping on my right side, followed by a temperature spike on Monday. However, no LH surge caught on OPK?? Weird, right? Yesterday and today I still had EWCM, slight cramping again, so I was confused and just decided to POAS (pee on a stick) just to see, lo and behold CD21 +OPK. Also, when I temped this morning it was back down to preO levels?!? Has anyone else had this kind of thing happen? I am slightly worried about maybe missing O at the beginning of August! Although my mind is at ease knowing we will be there for plenty of time to try around 3 times with fresh swimmers, maybe more spread out over a few days. I am trying not to think too much about it, because I have been so regular it would be way crazy for me to just suddenly be different (but it happens)

Court & I were just convinced that it's my body's way of trying to get pregnant faster :) I'll take that!

Until next time, Baby Dust to you all :)

The not so Bright Side

So I know all of our posts are very happy go lucky, but with this baby making adventure in mind there is also one thing, at least for me, that gets me down and that is support. Now I'm very much the emotional person in the relationship, so maybe I'm being overly emotional, but I don't have what Jamie has, family wise, by any means. This past weekend we went to my co-worker's house and stayed the weekend and we shared our excitement for having children and one of my co-workers kind of made a joke of it today and it just got me down. She said things like "you just need to give up on this baby making idea" and "it's not all it's cracked up to be." It bothers me because I used to feel so close to these people and things like this are being said so who knows how the rest of them really feel...

Then there's my family. First off they aren't supportive of my "lifestyle" so you can imagine how they feel about a baby. My mother told me that it would be a disaster to bring a baby into this world under my circumstance, aka being gay. Now I know some people would look at this and say that it may not be the right time to try this, but I'm never going to get their approval. I've come to terms with the fact that this will most likely never happen, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't bother me. From time to time I get down thinking that they won't be there for those special moments and probably won't even take our baby in as one of their own. So I guess.. if there's anybody out there in blogland who has any advice or happy thoughts in regards to that situation you can always throw them our way.

BUT I'm not going to let this whole thing be a downer because we have wonderful friends who are supportive, including our friend Stacey who is so supportive that he is giving us his swimmers to make the baby! And then there's Jamie's family. They took me in like I was one of their own and I will never be able to make them understand how much I appreciate that. My little eyes are welling up with tears even as I write this because, even though they are not my biological family, they've made me feel more a part of a family than ever. They're so great and I know that they'll be there every step of the way and offering more support than we could ever need as we start our own little family so for that I am so thankful. They're going to have the best grandmother ever and their grandfather will love them to death. Then there will be uncle Jeffrey and aunt Holly who will just adore them and I know uncles Jory and Jacy will fall in love with our baby.

So there's that. 29 short days until we head out to try this thing so let's hope for success!

Maybe Gayby?

I know this is going to sound a little silly, but I'm going to be honest. I want a gayby. Specifically a gay boy. I've just set it in my mind that when we have our boy Jamie's going to pop out a little Blaine from Glee.

Wouldn't he be so cute?!

I'm pretty sure we'll both have an obsessive urge to dress him in tiny little suits and button ups and vests any chance we get. I'm excited, yes :) it's not long before we set out to San Diego to start this adventure! 30 days and counting!!!

My Momma

She is my best friend. She is my hero. She is my rock. She calls me every morning, not that I need her to wake me up it's just what we do. We talk every day, and when we miss a day I miss her. I know I have said it before...but I really don't think I can iterate it enough how much she means to me.

The other day I told her we have a blog, but I didn't tell her the name of it. I said "you are going to be a Grandma someday and I think that entitles you to a few surprises," so once we get pregnant I will tell her & she can play catch up. Until then, she just knows we are flying to San Diego to try...but that's it. I know she is probably curious about the actual methods...I would be. I mean duh, with my brother and sister in law it's obvious how they will try, but with Courtney and I we kinda get to choose how we go about this making a baby thing. It is all interesting. But until I am preggers we will keep the details to ourselves. I don't know if I am weird, well yes I do, I am...I just don't think it would be very strange to tell Mom how/what we are going to try in August, but I know Stace & Courtney are not as comfortable with my mom as I am...so I guess in my mind, after the fact, after we are home & pregnant (because of course it'll happen on the first try), Mom can look at the blog and read all about just how this baby was made. I hate leaving things out when I talk to her...but how many Grandmas know just how their grandbaby was made? Maybe I'm weird? Maybe she really doesn't want to know the hows & whens & all that...still I would :)

The point of this blog today - When I talked to Momma this morning, she told me she had something interesting for the blog. She had a dream last night that I was pregnant!! She was even telling her co-workers that I was pregnant, and they were asking about who the dad was & she told them Stacey, but remembered specifically saying the baby is mine & Courtney's. How neat is that?! I haven't had any dreams about being pregnant, yet. Knowing that she did & was excited to share it with me, was just really comforting this morning.

Side Note - I can't remember if I have said this before or not, but...if/when --positively thinking-- we get pregnant in August, we would find out right around Mom & Carol's (twin & other Mom) birthday towards the middle/end of August, we would find out if it's a boy or girl around Stacey's birthday in December, and the likely due date would be around Court's birthday in May! See why we just think this baby making is meant to happen when we go out to San Diego??? I'm sure I'm not the only one who correlates special dates to "knowing" that conception will happen, but like Court said before...strangely, when we wish for something (even out loud!!), it happens.

She will be such an awesome Grandma.

Until next time!! Baby Dust all around :) 

Hybrid? Sure!

---This is Jamie for a snippet. I love that Court emails with an update every now and then for me to post to the blog because it's just easier that way...I usually leave them just the way she sends them & copy them to a new post...this time I am leaving her cute little instructions for me to put the picture I took with my phone of the baby dust...Gosh I am just the luckiest!!---

So, Jamie (Hold UP...she said we should too) went on another ordering spree and we went ahead and received some baby making items very quickly :) We now have our instead cup thingy bob to keep our little guys contained, our syringes for the insemination and our pre seed. The pre seed even had a little note typed on the receipt saying good luck and such and a teensy bag of baby dust. So cute!

(Damies.. insert peecher here, okies?)

 It reads "This baby dust is Special and is being sent to you hoping it will help your fondest dreams come true." SO Sweet!

Anyways so there's just our little update about what's going on with our baby making adventure. Jamie and I are attempting.. ehemm.. to eat better and begin a regular exercise routine. Lots of fish for now.. while we, and by we I mean she, can eat certain kinds. And, although she's not a big drinker in the first place, when the occasion does arise to drink there's just the casual glass or two of wine. I'd say we're doing alright. Also we are purchasing tickets soon to fly out to San Diego in August to make the baby times! Hopefully it works. We've had a very strange roll recently that we've been on where we wish/hope something would happen and it just does. Synchronicity is what I like to call it. (She's right this has been happening pretty much for our whole relationship...I'd like to keep it up!) So, as corny as it sounds, we're just convinced that this will work out on the first try as long as we keep thinking happy baby thoughts :) -Power of Positive thinking!

Life just couldn't get much better, could it?! (All we need is that sweet tiny baby!) I'm just head over heels for this little gal *blush* and I'm sure that she's going to be the cutest little pregnant lady I've ever seen. SO if everyone could just throw baby dust and good wishes our way we'll be set!!

The Internet is Lovely

Holy Cow.

Over 1000 views from 10 different countries. Maybe that isn't really a big number...but 1000 anything is big to me! I can't even believe it!!! Wow :) I think it is wonderful that we have this community of people who are willing to share so much of their own very personal lives (trials, joys, losses, everything!) with complete strangers. Of course, I don't feel like any of you is really a stranger to me anymore. I really feel like the women who I have connected with because of this blog are, somehow, close friends. I realize I may never meet anybody I communicate with, but to be able to "know" all of you and feel comfortable asking super awkward questions to anyone who may respond is just awesome.

This is a huge THANK YOU!!!!! to all of my new found friends for opening up your lives and sharing your stories with me. Just little ole Jamie, from Tennessee. I feel so special to be on this journey and have the support, knowledge and understanding from those who have paved the way before me, and to be able to one day be that person for someone else!

I am just grateful. Really grateful for all of you. I wish nothing but the best for all of you on this extraordinary journey, and I can't wait to share what is to come for all of us!

Now that I feel all warm and fuzzy inside, I need to get some work done. Thanks for putting a smile on my face today everyone!

Normalness

This blog of ours isn't the most exciting right now, is it?

Little Lesbian over there in our BlogRoll is freaking hilarious. Courtney & I get a kick out of her weekly updates. I wish I was as creative and silly as her...go check her out!!

There really isn't much to update, except that I got a +OPK on Friday, as expected. Fertility Friend has me pretty much figured out to the T...or P or O??

We went out of town to visit friends in Virginia this past weekend. I took an OPK around lunch time before we hit the road & it immediately showed a dark line, that only got darker...the picture I took wasn't the greatest so I'll not even bother posting it :). I did bring a few more OPKs to test with again Friday night & Saturday afternoon, but it is a little awkward to test while visiting friends (who don't exactly know we are this far into our adventure, ya know?) So...instead of asking for a cup to take to the bathroom to pee in, I just tried to pee on the stick. That, of course, didn't work like I hoped & the results were invalid. But temps did still show that I was pre-O, and Sunday my temps jumped a bit, not like what I thought they would for post-O...but enough to make sense. Sunday night we went out in DC - it was Capital Pride weekend - so we drank way too much, and stayed out too late...long story short...I didn't temp Monday morning, knowing my results would just make my chart look even more insane! I started temping again yesterday morning & had a pretty big spike...as far as I can tell from my reading, that is accurate, but how long does it stay up there? This morning it was 98.2. Still almost a degree higher than normal.

Here is a picture of my chart for this month...Crazy right??

I really think not traveling or camping or drinking insane amounts or peeing before I temp will make for a more normal-looking chart...yes?

We have plans to either be super lazy this weekend or super adventurous & use one of our groupon deals or lay bamboo floors down in the bedroom. Or be lazy. :) Anyone know which one I prefer? Happy Humpday Babybloggers!!

I will leave you with a picture of one of the cutest roadtrip partners ever!!



CannonBall, Fireflies, & BBT.

I have to admit a few weeks ago I had a minor nervous breakdown. I think Courtney touched on the topic in one of her posts...about how she was more so excited about the baby & I was caught up in the details of it all.

I thought I was the only one who cannon-balled into this adventure. She seemed to be easing her way into the shallow end. I couldn't understand why I was obsessively reading blogs, and using the Google to find different ways of doing things, and researching ratings for the best baby products. In my mind, I was as enthusiastic as the rest of my new found friends of blogland. I felt like my BabyCenter cohorts were on the same page as me, too. So, it was hard for me to figure out what was happening in Court's mind...I thought she was just going along with this whole bit to make me happy. That is nowhere near the right track.

So after some tears and questions and obvious miscommunication, I now realize she was pretty much leaving the detail parts up to me. She sees the final picture, I am the one who starts with the outlines of the trees. Her last post made it even more real for me just how excited she really is. It is unbelievably cute to hear what she has read about in her new books. I needed reassurance from her, and I got just that!! She has been wonderful. She may think she is baby crazy...but I think this is totally normal. I feel like we are the perfect team again. I just need to remember she can't always read my mind...and even though 98% of the time I can read hers, I may get it wrong sometimes.

Now that I have all of that out there...we had a great weekend camping with my family! We live just a short drive from the Smoky Mountains. If you haven't heard about the fireflies at Elkmont, you should look it up. We got to see them this year for the first time ever!! It was really cool, despite the fog and chilly weather. Apparently last year there were even more, but the warm winter we had & our summer-like spring made their peak happen earlier. Nonetheless it was still neat!!

Here are some pictures from our weekend :)



 This is my momma & daddy

   Elkmont

  This is my backyard :)

Smoky Mountain Beauty

This was nearly a full moon & sooo pretty :)

BBT charting was a little whacky this past week for a couple of reasons. #1. I had a breast biopsy on a lump I found a while back (tests came back normal, like we expected...I am prone to fibroids), however, I got an infection from the actual procedure. So, Wednesday morning my temp jumped from 97.1 to 97.8!! I made a note on FF to remind me why that happened. #2. This weekend sleeping in a tent with outside temperatures averaging around 50 my BBT dropped to 96.9 & 96.5. My chart looks crazy!! I'm hoping this week will be more normal. Today I was back to 97.5...I am going to start using OPKs to help lock down the exact day for O this afternoon...if I read correctly LH surge is usually in the evening?? FF shows my most fertile days CD12-CD14 with O being CD15, this Friday. I'm a little nervous that I won't get a +OPK...or maybe the cheapo tests I got from Amazon won't work correctly. Oh well, at this point all I can do is go for it and see what happens.

Seeing how I have written a short story here & I have jumped from topic to topic, I think it is time to get some actual work done. Happy Monday, all!!