So I know all of our posts are very happy go lucky, but with this baby making adventure in mind there is also one thing, at least for me, that gets me down and that is support. Now I'm very much the emotional person in the relationship, so maybe I'm being overly emotional, but I don't have what Jamie has, family wise, by any means. This past weekend we went to my co-worker's house and stayed the weekend and we shared our excitement for having children and one of my co-workers kind of made a joke of it today and it just got me down. She said things like "you just need to give up on this baby making idea" and "it's not all it's cracked up to be." It bothers me because I used to feel so close to these people and things like this are being said so who knows how the rest of them really feel...
Then there's my family. First off they aren't supportive of my "lifestyle" so you can imagine how they feel about a baby. My mother told me that it would be a disaster to bring a baby into this world under my circumstance, aka being gay. Now I know some people would look at this and say that it may not be the right time to try this, but I'm never going to get their approval. I've come to terms with the fact that this will most likely never happen, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't bother me. From time to time I get down thinking that they won't be there for those special moments and probably won't even take our baby in as one of their own. So I guess.. if there's anybody out there in blogland who has any advice or happy thoughts in regards to that situation you can always throw them our way.
BUT I'm not going to let this whole thing be a downer because we have wonderful friends who are supportive, including our friend Stacey who is so supportive that he is giving us his swimmers to make the baby! And then there's Jamie's family. They took me in like I was one of their own and I will never be able to make them understand how much I appreciate that. My little eyes are welling up with tears even as I write this because, even though they are not my biological family, they've made me feel more a part of a family than ever. They're so great and I know that they'll be there every step of the way and offering more support than we could ever need as we start our own little family so for that I am so thankful. They're going to have the best grandmother ever and their grandfather will love them to death. Then there will be uncle Jeffrey and aunt Holly who will just adore them and I know uncles Jory and Jacy will fall in love with our baby.
So there's that. 29 short days until we head out to try this thing so let's hope for success!
So here we are...over a year later.
10 years ago
Great blog - glad I stumbled upon it! Thanks for sharing your journey!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I'm so sorry about the experience with your co-worker and that your family isn't too supportive either!
ReplyDeleteI always thought my family was super supportive, until two months ago when I was visiting them in Germany (I'm originally from there) and had to hear comments like "This is unnatural", "What are you going to tell your child about not knowing who his father is"...and the best comment from my dad: "You know some people have to go to a mental institution because they have kids and can't deal with the stress!" What the...??? I was speechless. Luckily I have a wonderful second family here in the US (my partner's family) who is so excited about becoming grandparents.
There will always be people who are going to judge us, about the way we live and about bringing children into this world. What they don't understand is the fact that those children will be SO LOVED, because they were WANTED more than anything else, instead of getting pregnant by accident! If they want to judge me, they should go right ahead, but that also means that they won't be part of my life or my children's life.
Don't get discouraged by those snotty comments! This is your life, your dream and your family! You're so excited to become a mom and that excitement shouldn't get spoiled by some ignorant people!
Ugh. I'm sorry people are saying stupid things to you. Your kid is not going to have a bad life just because you are gay--there are kids being raised in almost every single county in america by queer parents, and the studies show that they're all doing just fine. Your family might come around, but if they don't, that's really (truly) their loss. We've had some rough patches with my in-laws, but lots and lots of talking and patience has seen a real turnaround (we're at my mother in law's house now, and she is just as in love with our baby as can be--no reservations about her being the grandma at all, even though there's no blood tie), but it was a long and painful process to get here, and everyone had to be willing to listen. I hope your family will get to a point where you can all be happy together.
ReplyDeleteThe co-worker sounds like someone you should just stop seeing--if they have any sense they'll be mortified about that whole conversation and apologize, but if not I'd drop them completely. Why waste your time with someone who thinks they can dictate your life to you?
Where do you live again? Can you find other queer families in the area to hang out with? It's made a huge difference in our lives to have other people in the same place, and now the added bonus is that our kid will get to know other kids who also have two moms or two dads.
Thank you all so much for the support. It's nice knowing that there are other people out there who can relate and can realize how hurtful some people can be. It's pretty sweet that, although we may not know each other personally, that you all took the time to say nice things and defend Jamie and I in this situation. It's great to know that there are still awesome people out there willing to lend their ear.. or eyes in this case.. :)
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