We are Moving!!

Not to that fancy big house up the road, silly. Just over to another blog! I welcome all my loyal trusted followers to continue doing just that and FOLLOW US!!! I would love to post the new blog name here, but that would defeat the purpose of moving to a more private blog. Please send me an email and I will be more than happy to give you our new blog site, and password for our password protected posts!

jacunningham44@gmail.com

I am sad to be leaving this place where I felt safe to be myself and "speak" candidly so that others out there like us might somehow benefit and know they are not alone on this journey. However, it is time to move on to better pastures.

I hope to see those smiling happy faces of yours with us at the new place. It may take a bit for me to get used to, but I will definitely be keeping up with all of you as we move.

Blogiversary

It's been nearly a year since I started writing about our journey. Here we are 8 weeks 3 days pregnant. The Supreme Court is hearing two historic cases about same sex marriage this week. Lives will be changing more than some people will ever realize, whatever the outcome. It's also officially Spring & we have snow. Lots of snow here in East Tennessee.

It's been quite the year!!! I am so proud of where we are today as a couple, growing our family. And as a nation, growing our equality. As we were laying in bed last night, I asked Courtney if she realized this is history in the making like major history. I love it. It is amazing to think very soon our family will be equal! It's even possible...albeit not likely...that we could have national marriage equality before this baby bean is here. How great to think about :) Granted, I think either way we would still wait until the fall of next year for a wedding.

Shew, it's a bit overwhelming. But still. I love it!!

On the baby baking front...I thought maybe I was on the downhill slide of morning sickness, then I woke up this morning. Gross gross. Hopefully it was a fluke :)

Sorry for the spastic thoughts, I have so many things I'd like to write about...I just can't find the time to make logical sentences into an actual post these days.

Until next time...

Bad Blogger!!

Wow, I haven't updated in SO LONG! Let me blame the sleepies and the sicklies and the non-update worthiness as of late.

Things are trucking right along over here. We had our first ultrasound and 'new ob' appointment yesterday, everything looks wonderful :) Baby Bean was measuring right on track at 7 weeks 6 days. Heart rate was 175 bpm!! One strong healthy baby!!! I was kinda looking forward to two, but of course I am happy no less :) Who wants to see a picture???



At this point, I have decided to stay with my doctor instead of switching to the local Birthing Center. I just feel so comfortable with the entire staff, Courtney is accepted without question and it all just feels "right." I can still choose my own birthing plan, and I can choose to say no interventions if I want to. So this will be the route we take!

Our next appointment is in 4 weeks, no u/s at that one, just doppler heartbeat and regular check. Next u/s will be at 16 weeks...we will get to find out the sex at that appointment!! Even though its a whole 2 months away, it will be a super exciting appointment, maybe time will fly by?!

I will try my best to not be so radio silent from now on! I feel like maybe the sicklies are starting to back off a bit, *knock on wood* until next time :)

If you're even nice to a gay person.. you'll go to hell.

Apparently that's what my parents think. Obviously this is Courtney typing because Jamie's parents are awesome. We had a little encounter with my parents recently and we thought finally the tides are turning and they're seeing that it's not that terrible to just be nice to a person... so clearly I decided to ask my mother if we could meet up again since we would be in the area this weekend. She commenced to tell me that our meeting was a one time thing because they were "desperate" from not having seen me in so long and that they "hoped I wouldn't get the wrong idea". How else were we supposed to take that? I don't know why, but for some reason my parents seem to think that if they're even remotely decent to a gay person other than myself that Jesus will notice and condemn them straight to hell. I don't understand their logic and probably never will because I'm not an idiot. I realize that sounds mean to say about my parents, but well.. they're ridiculous. I also am not allowed to see my nephew unless I'm alone either. Apparently bringing Jamie around will give me the impression that it's "ok to be gay". I don't know how many times I have to tell my parents that if they're nice to us that doesn't mean that I think they've changed their beliefs. It simply means that they decided to be nice for once. I don't know what bible they're reading or what they're being told at church, because I know plenty of devout Christians who are more than nice to me and all other gays because you are supposed to be kind to people. My family, on the other hand, has some sort of dark fantasy about what will happen if they were to be kind to a homosexual. I just don't understand and I don't know where to go anymore with this. Do I just finally give up? I honestly don't feel like they care anyways.

My mom can go weeks without talking to me and my dad can go even longer. Hell, if I died today they probably wouldn't find out for a good while unless they were contacted by someone. I understand that it can sound just as bad that I don't contact them, but I am their child and I thought that love was supposed to be unconditional. Especially now that Jamie is pregnant. Even with absolutely no biological tie to the baby(ies) in Jamie's womb, they are my children or it is my child. (I'm just going to say they now because it's probably twins and it's easier to type just the one thing). The person I love the most in this entire universe is carrying those babies and they are ours and they are already the most special and important and amazing things I will ever have. I love them so terribly much and I could NEVER imagine hurting them like this. They aren't even here yet and I already feel that I love them more than my parents love me. I would kill for them. I'd do anything to make them truly happy. How can you not feel that way as a parent?

I guess that's something I'll never figure out...

Holy Beta, Batman!!

I had my third and final blood draw yesterday afternoon. I called for my results this morning...HCG 18,079 & Prog. 41.63!!

I am floored. We definitely have one of two things happening here. Either this is one snuggly bug or we have two very happy bugs! I am just happy to see those numbers climb. The first number doubled at a rate of about 31 hours and this one took about 38 hours, still on track and still high high high!

I'll admit all kinds of fears are running through my head. What if something is wrong and these numbers are simply TOO high? What if the nurse knows something but is just waiting to tell me? I almost want to puke thinking about all the what ifs.

I need to focus on the facts.

• Fact - I am very much so pregnant.
• Fact - I am not having any real unusual pains, just the typical occasional cramps.
• Fact - The nurse said my "numbers look great!!"
• Fact - The stars aligned to bring us to this point, I fully believe they are staying aligned just for us.
• Fact - I am tired. All. The. Time.
• Fact - I am a nervous wreck.

If I focus on the facts, I can calm down a little. We just want this so badly, and now that it is completely up to fate...it is hard not knowing. I am going to miss getting results next week to reassure me that things are still going as they should. Prepare for neurotic, overreacting, crazy lady posts for the next bit.

Netflix will be my saving grace for the coming weeks. I keep googling and I really need to stop and trust that what the nurse says is true, my numbers are great.

We are already perfectly fine with twins if that is the case. Of course, the nurse made no mention of possible multiples...I understand why she wouldn't anyway, what if something happens between now and our u/s? That'd suck. For now I am just having a mix of emotions. I'm telling myself its totally normal.

Next appointment (including the first u/s) is March 21. That seems like a lifetime from now!! For now, I'm not even tired...I think my adrenaline is running on high. I need to just relax, HA!!

5 weeks 2 days

I don't even know if that is correct. That's what one of the three pregnancy apps I have says. But I think that same app actually has our due date as 11/2, in reality I think it's 11/4. But I still think we are 5 weeks 2 days.

I guess at the first ultrasound we will have a more definite gestational age. (Is that the right term?)

Last night I had this dream we were at our first u/s & we saw two heartbeats. Two sacs with two tiny tadpoles & one heartbeat was slower than the other. So of course, I tell Courtney and she immediately says its a boy & a girl! At this point I am so okay with twins that it probably actually is. Because if I were stressing out and worrying about it, ultimately there'd only be one chilling in there.

Just two more days until our next blood test. I am really hoping we are able to schedule our u/s the next week. Until then we are moving right along. I'm sleepy mcsleeperson and I think last night I was feeling a bit of "morning sickness" I felt like I was on a cruise without my sea legs yet...I guess that's the same feeling?

The only downside of twins would be our birthing experience. I really want to give birth at a birthing center with midwives and no medical interventions...twins automatically bumps you up to high risk...birthing centers only allow low risk pregnancies/births. So I think I'd be sticking with my regular Ob/gyn for the whole pregnancy & delivery.

That's ok though. I do love my doctor, she is totally cool with the whole gay thing & she was even encouraging when I told her about our first attempts. So right now, things are good :)

Really good.

PS. Have I mentioned how much I sincerely appreciate ALL of my blogland friends?? I wish I could fly to where you all are and give you the biggest hugs ever. You have been so incredible. Thank You doesn't even cut it...I love having this area as an outlet to whine, celebrate, vent and learn. I had know idea when I started this blog that I'd have so many friendships with people I've never met. So thank you. I appreciate you all so very much!

Time for second dinner :)