Mission Aborted

Well we had some miscommunications with our KD...& he wasn't in cell phone service range to get the message it was time to ship! So my intuitions were right that it wasn't going to work this month...I'm glad he didn't ship them late & just throw that money down the drain.

Now we will plan better for next month!! & I have a really good feeling about it working in October, plus my ovulation should be during the week not on a Sunday. All around better.

Ok now we wait...some more :)

& You Thought I Disappeared!

Hello blogland!! Have no fear, I am back!! I know that two weeks was torture without me, but I needed it :) I stepped back from obsessing for the two weeks between bleeding and ovulating to recollect my brain. Speaking of bleeding, that 3 day late period was awful. It was the heaviest period I have had in quite a long time...the cramps were miserable and I was sure I was going to bleed to death. Not fun, but its done & now here we are. Don't worry I still stalked you guys and I still checked in on Baby Center, I just wasn't obsessing. It was nice.

Tonight the TN Valley Fair starts and I work every day of it to make some extra money. I love it...well in past years it wasn't so great because of one lady I had to work with, but I am working at a different area this year and I am really excited!! It is 10 days...10 very long days, I will still be working my normal job...so in total I will put in about 108 hours...in 10 days. Did I mention that? That's a lot. I enjoy the atmosphere and the many different people I will get to meet. It is generally easy work, the best part of all is that it will keep my mind busy for most of the TWW we have coming up :)

Yep. I said it. We are going to try again this month!! I honestly thought we wouldn't be able to swing it, but I had DonorHomeDelivery.com send Stacey a kit last week so he would be familiar with the protocol and ready to go when we needed him to be. Well I am right on track to be ovulating in the next day or two, so we will have him overnight the swimmers to us this evening & use them tomorrow afternoon. At least the timing will be closer this go around. Instead of the last insem. being three days prior to ovulation, this one should be the day before.

I know it is bad to say, but I already think this month isn't going to work. I have a feeling October will be our month...but that isn't stopping us from trying of course!! I have this mindset that we will have pretty perfect timing and things will work out fine for the insemination...it just won't work this month. Is that weird? Has anyone ever experienced that before? I am already mentally prepared for it not to work. I think this mindset is really going to prove to be a blessing. I won't want to search any 'symptoms' or be worried about my temps (I will still temp of course because its habit now). I am ready to go into this one completely stress free and completely prepared to start again from scratch in October!

Alrighty. In 10 days I may be able to update again, that is if I'm not in a sleepcoma!

Drumroll Please....

BFN(big freaking fat farty negative).

I am 14 dpo...my temps are still slowly climbing. .3 up from yesterday, in fact. I had a pretty dark (not positive) OPK last night. I just wanted to see if that whole myth was true that you can get a +OPK before a +HPT(Home Pregnancy Test), well I definitely don't have a +HPT....even using one of those fancy First Response deals with FRESH pee this morning, nada. Unless my eyes at 6:00 a.m. were just not picking up the faintest of faint lines? I think I'll post pictures of the past few months I have charted...maybe you guys will have some insight?

So, May was the month I went camping, and had wonky temps to begin with. June was the month that lasted forever, & here we are now. I know I have only been temping for these three months, but prior to May, I was tracking my periods like a hound & I was like clockwork. A nice 28-30 day cycle, favoring the 28 days more. As far as I can tell, my temps are doing what they are supposed to this month...usually 10 dpo I start to drop...here we are 14 dpo & still climbing (be it little by little). That's good right?

Yesterday I was sure AF was just going to flood me at any moment. Then nothing. Today I feel completely fine if not for a little underarm breast tenderness and the slightest bit of bloating/pressure in my abdomen. I don't feel pregnant or like AF is coming. I have no clue if that is good or bad.

I am still holding onto that tiny thread of hope that I'm one of those late BFPers. If that temp dip on 11 dpo is in fact 'implantation' then I may not see a +HPT for even a few more days...right? I'll keep testing with my internet cheapies, because when we ordered the OPKs we got a bazillion.

I'm trying to stay away from Baby Center. Some of those ladies on the non-GLBT boards are just so callous and rude. If the way those ladies treat some people on a website bodes how they are as parents, then it must be true that lesbian and gay people truly are better parents than most. You can see the blatant difference in the way we meticulously plan and wait and plan some more, you can see the love that is there between partners, you can tell that every single child is wanted. The other boards...I don't see that. I don't see the love, I really don't see many people planning anything (what with their 3rd and 4th accidents & they call them accidents?!). Yeah, I know we are just beginning this journey, but really...really.

ANYWAY------It is my momma & Carol's birthday!!!!!!! YAY :) We will enjoy and celebrate them today and worry about testing another time...this will happen for us. We just need a little patience worry rock to hold on to or something.

Until next time.... :) p.s. keep your fingers and toes crossed!

Grocery List of a Pregnant Lady?



The left side of the picture is a list of symptoms of pregnancy from a book, the right side is a list of things I wanted from the grocery store. Not at all weird, right? Courtney said I match the list on the left, and the things I wanted from the store just topped it off. I guess we will know for sure in two short days...maybe? :)

My temp dipped yesterday and then went back up today, implantation anyone? I think I've already suspected that once this cycle, but now I don't think that first suspision was real, there were no crampies accompanying the temp dip. Today I have some twinges, it feels a little different. Not like AF just yet...but different. My CM is a little increased and watery...I know everyone loves to read about that. I am 12 dpo, my breasts aren't as tender, my back and upper legs are still achy, and I am still mooooooody. My belly feels warm inside again. & ummm I think that's it. Oh yeah, I'm hungry. a lot.

Ok, that's my check in for today. Sticky Baby Dust all around :)

Downhill Slope :)

Holy Cow!!!! 6 more days. Just 6 teeeensy more sleeps.

All I really have to say is, if this isn't a babything growing......this is the meanest PMS I've ever known. Let's make a list:

• Bloated and gassy pretty much since ovulation.
• Congested...well sinusy? I don't know, there are boogers and they are gross.
• Increasingly more tired each day.
• Actually eating like five meals a day.
• Boobs are sore...I used to always have horribly sore boobs before AF when I was younger, it was actually another reason I started birth control a while back. But since I have been off BCP, my boobs haven't been noticeably sore at all even with AF. So that is a little off, however I can't completely discount it.
• This morning I feel like I was doing ab workouts all night, my core is just achy. 
• The freaking emotions, I have to laugh at myself when I bite Court's head off, because I can't stop it...then I want to cry in case I hurt her feelings. I mean I don't really feel stressed about any of this right now. It is what it is, so I can't blame my emotions on anything but hormones. Whether they are PMS or Pregnancy we will find out soon :)  

I do love comparing all of my symptoms with the people over on BabyCenter. I like to know I'm not the most insane...I can rationalize most of what I'm feeling. Of course, it is tough to doubt being pregnant when literally EVERYTHING is a symptom. According to FF I am 8dpo, I think I may really be closer to 9dpo. Still, that is too early to test. I am determined to test when we should be able to see 2 distinct lines. No question. I realize sometimes you may only see the faintest of lines on the day you miss your period, so that is a grey area.

Honestly, I'm not doing anything differently. I'm still having my cup of coffee in the morning, I'm still eating fast food (on occassion), I am still drinking lots of water like normal, I am sleeping as much as I can, I mowed the yard. I'm pretending I have NO clue at all there is a possibility of being pregnant -like so so so many of our straighty counterparts- and I am living life as usual {with a slight symptom checking obsession} I'm not trying to stress my body out by only eating certain things, I just eat when I'm hungry & I sleep when I'm tired.

We have some friends coming from out of town this weekend, so that will keep us occupied & away from the pee sticks! Until next time...who knows, maybe next time will be a cutesie little picture of one of those pee sticks with the two most meaningful lines I've ever seen?

Baby Dust & Sticky Thoughts!

It's Aliiiiiiivveeeee!!!

Something has happened.. something very strange.

Ever since insemination Jamie has had.. feelings. That's right. Actual feelings. We used to like to kid that she was a robot. It was mainly her who would kid about it because, while she had her sweet side, she was virtually carefree and didn't let much of anything bother her. She was emotionless in comparison to me. I, on the other hand, am Sensitive Sally. If you so much as say something the wrong way I'm going to take it to heart and probably get my itty bitty feelings hurt along the way. We've both learned to cope with it. Jamie will just overlook and I'll not acknowledge my wanting to be a baby because I know it's silly so I'll just put my big girl panties on and get over things.

Lately Jamie has become me.. and by lately I mean the past 2 days haha. But you know.. Anyway the one who could not be bothered is suddenly chock full of emotion at times and I don't know what to do with her. One moment we'll be having an innocent conversation and something will be taken the wrong way then she's pouty and expressing a vulnerability that I've never seen before. Shortly after this wave of emotion she comes to the realization that she's done this and says she doesn't know what's going on. Needless to say we're both convinced that one of these spermies has made it's way to the egg and she's already experiencing hormonal changes. So what if it hasn't been that long?? We can hope :)

If this is the case we will surely have a ton of interesting posts coming soon. Should be exciting!!

Winning Big at the School Carnival

So, I have turned into an obsessive TTC lady. I bet nobody saw that coming ;)

Alright, let me break it down for you. We inseminated 8/5 & 8/6. I am now thinking I o'd 8/8 - 8/9 (CD15-16). Obviously, I'm obsessing over ever tiny thing....duh, what else are you supposed to do during this TWW(two week wait)? I am bloated, super gassy, unsettled belly and even have stinking acid burps (I didn't think I was capable of so much nasty)....of course these are all primarily ovulation related. I believe it is safe to say I am 2-3DPO(days past ovulation). If this is the case, EVERY single 'symptom' I am feeling is silly. Beyond silly really. But I have started to find -leave it to me to find that a toe-pain is a pregnancy symptom- really though I have found some stories of other ladies who knew pretty much immediately that something was happening...some of those stories ended happily and others just had a bad tuna melt. I am not discounting the possibility that I could be one of those ladies lucky enough to know 'something' was happening...but it is a real possibility that my tuna melt wasn't the freshest, too.

On a real not so silly note...I was concerned that my BBT wasn't as high as it typically gets. It is rising daily, I just didn't see that 'day after ovulation spike' like I am accustomed to. After searching the interwebs, I have concluded that all is fine. I had a wonky cycle last month, honestly I should expect no less than a little irregularities this month. I found that, as long as temps keep rising, things are moving in the right direction. I am happy with that discovery...Courtney, however, thinks I'm a nutcase for being awake with this bright space contraption on my lap blogging. SOOORRRY....I'm just getting you back for the teeth grinding/snoring :)

I am so in tune with what is happening with and in my body all the time that this little wait we have here is going to be so so fun. I can literally feel when my body is ovulating...I swear I can feel the exact moment the tiny pinpoint of an egg releases. I just second guess myself when my temperatures don't do what I want them to do. Other than the typical O-pains I have been a smidgen sleepy (hello we just got back from San Diego, jet lag), cranky (I'm always moody, let's be real), my sinuses are acting up (it is also Summer in East TN), I feel full & hungry at the same time (ovulation can do that) and I have crazy random hiccups, but the biggest 'issue' I've noticed is my belly feeling warm. It doesn't feel warm to the touch, but from the inside out, it doesn't hurt...I can feel my belly turning -from the nice gas bubbles- but the warm sensation is totally different. Kinda hard to explain, I am being more pessimistic over here, as to not get overwhelmed with the maybes super early. I am definitely keeping all crossable limbs crossed, as if I'm about to win big at the School Carnival, that this very well could be something. I'm keeping a daily notepad of 'symptoms' just to be able to look back on...if/when...that time comes :)

Now it is 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning, I am trying to keep my gassiness to a hush, but my belly is so rumbly, I'm sure I have woken up the neighbors. I have a kitten snuggled beside me and a comatose Charlie girl at my legs. Courtney has rolled over away from the screen. These things need a 'night mode.'

Until next time...keep blowing that Baby Dust this way. I'm going to enjoy this weekend!!