Awkward...

So we get to try again in January and we've stepped up our game by purchasing some more high tech ovulation kits.. You know, the ones with the smilies. Easy peasy. So, we're really hoping this helps us pin point things so that we can get preggers this time, BUT if for some reason that doesn't work we've discussed using another donor, a friend of mine (this is Court btw). Anyway, this person is much closer to us, within traveling distance and we can go to him on the day of ovulation and do our thing. I think we're just both feeling weird about the possibility of having to begin this whole journey with someone else and having to tell our other guy we will put his services on hold.

I guess we'll just have to see how it all goes in January.

Fingers crossed, people!!!

A lot Like Christmas!

Thanksgiving was great :)

I am so so so blessed to have my family. We changed things up this year, in recent years my mom's side of the family have all gathered together at one of my aunt's houses. This year half of us came together at my parents' house. It was SO much better than years past. I have a couple family members (I use those words loosely here) who are pretty clearly homophobic bigots. Needless to say it was wonderful NOT having them around. There are also a few family members who just aren't as close with the rest of the family, and they are just awkward. I liked the smaller more special time I got to spend with the family members who mean the most to me. To me, it felt like it used to when my grandma hosted Thanksgiving. I felt the love in each room...I didn't feel like I needed to pretend to be someone I'm not. I didn't feel like family was pretending to tolerate me. It was nice. So nice. I look forward to the same thing next year, instead of dreading being around family that just really isn't family anymore.

My birthday was this past Saturday!!

My family rented a cabin for the weekend, it was so great to get away with the ones I love the most :) I am 25 now, and intend to stay 25 for a few years!! The cabin we stayed in was called '50 Mile View' and it surely was an awesome view. A couple of friends and my aunt came up Saturday for some cake and to just hang out for a while. When Sunday came it was hard to leave and get back to the real world, but I will remember my first 25th birthday for years to come :) Some pictures of the sunsets...

Also, a raccoon came for a visit over the weekend :) 

Courtney and I sent out Christmas cards this year...Shutterfly is pretty awesome. Inexpensive, good quality cards and labels and they shipped fast! Let me see if I can attach a picture here...don't mind the picture of the computer screen there haha.

We have our tree(s) up!!

The one on the left is our fancy new pre-lit tree that I decorated with flowers from my grandma's Christmas tree. The one on the right is our small tree in our bedroom :) Cute cute!! It is feeling like Christmas at the Brazelton house for sure, now we just need to wrap some presents to put underneath that tree.

Today is my grandpa's birthday, we had lunch at Crown & Goose, a London pub-style restuarant. Always yummy! Here's the young man complete with his Birthday Button!



I think that's about all there is to update about for now!

OH WAIT! We have been talking with a more local known donor, its really sad to think Stacey is turning into "the typical gay boy" I hate to say that, but I don't know what else to think. He didn't even wish me a happy birthday, in fact the last time he responded to anything I sent him was the middle of November. I am disappointed with him. I almost want to just forget about trying with the kit he still has there. Maybe he will surprise us, but at this point I'm not counting on it :( We are ready to go with our new donor starting in February (if for some reason we do try in January with Stacey & it doesn't work)...Our new donor lives about 1.5 hours away, so even if we have to drive down after work, we can still manage that. I feel a lot more comfortable with this option. We have already printed up a pretty informal Known Donor Agreement, that we will have notorized...just so we all know what is expected from one another.

For now we are just enjoying the season. Both of us are working at Holidays on Ice, a small outdoor skating rink downtown, for some extra holiday spending money. I am still temping to confirm O, which should be in a couple of days, just to keep track. Hopefully the New Year will bring brand new things to our little family! I'm ready for a fresh start :)

Liebster Blog Award(s)!!!

I am honored that our blog was nominated (TWICE!) for the Liebster Award :) How sweet are my readers?!

**The Liebster Blog Award is given to bloggers by bloggers. It is a way to acknowledge each other and say "you're doing a great job". It is for blogs with 200 or less followers, so it's also a great way to spread the word about smaller blogs and get them more readers and followers!
Answer questions, then nominate 10 more bloggers & have them answer my questions.**

I have been slacking lately, partially because I haven't had anything to report babywise, and partially because I was angry about the first part. BUT, this is a great reason to get back to it!! I am going to answer the questions from Lexi & Sarah first, then I will answer LoveShackBaby's questions. This might be a lengthy post, but hopefully it will be fun to read :)

Questions from L&S: 

1. What is your favorite season and why?

I'm gonna have to pick two seasons, I know that's half the year, but its ok :) Fall & Spring- its the colors! I LOVE the colors of both these seasons.

2. What is something you cant live without?

I can't live with out chapstick. OR hand lotion. I hate dry skin/chapped lips.

3. If you could vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

I think I would have to say Italy. It is someplace I have always wanted to visit, and I love pizza :)

4. If given the ability to change one thing in this world what would you choose?

I would change people's attitudes about equality. Everyone Everywhere deserves to be treated equally.

5. Do you have any regrets in life?

I wish I spent more time with my grandma.

6. Why did you start blogging?

I started this blog to document our story for our future child(ren). I have always had some interest in blogging, however, my aunt Carol actually printed off this massive binder of my blog from my senior year in high school...oh how things have changed!

7. What is your best trait?

Best trait? I can talk to a wall. Really, I think I can find common ground with anyone, and we can strike up a conversation for hours.

8. What is your worst trait?

Talking for hours ;) No, I think my worst trait is my temper. I am learning patience little by little.

9. What is your best childhood memory?

There are so many, but the one that stands out today is The Talking Tree. All the grandkids have sat in the talking tree. It's this big tree in my grandparents' front yard...that has the perfect branches to climb and hide and play on. When it is filled with leaves you can hardly see who's in it, I guess that's where the name came from, because it seemed like the tree was talking :)

10. Who are 3 people you would love to have dinner with (living or dead)?

Ellen DeGeneres, Courtney's mother Connie and Walt Disney 

11. Who is someone you miss?

My grandma.

Now, onto LoveShackBaby's questions:

1. What is your favorite thing to blog about?

My favorite thing to blog about is BABY news :) I love to write about our next steps and exciting news helping us get one step closer to our baby!

2. What are your feelings about dogs sleeping in bed with their owners?
Well, I have mixed feeling about this...because Charlie sleeps with us, even though she has a nice comfy bed on the floor (& that is where we'd prefer her sleep).

3. What is your favorite memory ages 13-16?
I would have to say meeting one of my good pals Lee, we met through a children's choir when I was 13. She is like my little sister, we had some of the best times together & to this day she holds a special piece of my heart!

4. Could you see yourself as a life coach?
I do give out some pretty good advice...and I like to think I'm a good listener, so I'd say I could give it a go!

5. Are you looking forward to anything in particular in 2013?
Starting back TTC in January, and the possibility of a 2013 baby :)

6. What is a must-have in your kitchen?
Non-stick EVERYTHING.

7. Favorite mode of transportation?
I love the Subway, I know I know...I live in small(ish) town TN where Public Transit might as well be non-existent, but when I have traveled to major cities I have always enjoyed the underground, the L, the Subway, the Tube...its always great :)

8. Have you ever had a nickname that you really hated?
I really can't think of any name that's bothered me...

9. What was your happiest moment today?
Receiving our Christmas Cards from Shutterfly in the mail!!

10. Would you rather decorate handmade cards or cut out snowflakes?
Handmade Cards, I'm too ADHD to cut snowflakes....well pretty ones at least.


My Nominations: I'm sure some of these have been nominated already, but that's ok :)
1. Ashley: She is an inspiration through some of the tough times, even when she feels like she is just complaining, she is strong!
2. NonFatCaramel: This is a spunky couple all the way from England, sharing their successes and sorrows.
3. Jessica: I am keeping everything crossed for this sweet sweet couple going through the long adoption process!
4. Nadine: It is so fun to read this blog, she translates each post for friends and family back home!
5. T&A: T just gave birth to the cutest little girl with SO much hair! I think she has more than me until I was 3 years old :)
6. W&E: They have a sweet little girl, and now they are ready for #2!
7. Doug & Bill: This is a couple of dads with their new addition to their family, through surrogacy.
8. Lex: I love that she doesn't sugarcoat some things others might.
9. Mommy & Mum: They are in the beginning stages of TTC. I can't wait to share the ride!
10. Shells: They are expecting a baby boy in just a couple months!

Questions for my nominees:
1. What is something you are proud of?
2. What is your favorite Holiday tradition?
3. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
4. How do you de-stress?
5. What is your Favorite Disney movie?
6. Who is your biggest influence & why?
7. How far have you traveled from home?
8. Which book would you recommend?
9. Who would you travel to the moon with?
10. What is your dream car?

Have fun!!

The Frustration Post

I think it's safe to say that Jamie and I both believe in fate in a way. Maybe in a sense of karma.. if you put good things out into the universe good will come back to you. I keep trying to tell her that it is our fate to have a baby, but maybe just not right this second. Maybe January.. or February.. or whenever.

Things with our known donor are just not working out like we both anticipated they would. I feel bad saying this because he is one of Jamie's good friends, but I'm disappointed in him. Yes we've had two tries, but we have also been let down twice now. I know that this is a process and that we're asking him to take time out of his day to do his business and go to UPS and make a shipment and that's definitely not his obligation, BUT he has said more than once that he wants to help with this. Making a baby is no small ordeal. It's complicated and takes a lot of work and, most of all, it means a lot.. so I guess I just don't understand how we can get an email late in the day he is supposed to send us a shipment saying that it turns out he doesn't have time to send it.

It's very discouraging, more so for Jamie than me because she's going to be carrying the baby. She feels more of a connection to this child already. While I'm very excited to have a baby, she is already putting in the work for it so I can't imagine her disappointment when things don't work out. I'm trying to stay positive for the both of us, though. I'm trying to tell her that maybe right now just isn't our time and maybe that's the way that it was intended to be. Maybe we'll have our time soon and that will be what is perfect for us, but I'm starting to feel like I'm trying to convince myself. I guess maybe we just need some reassurance that this will happen and that we don't need to give up. I know one day it will work and we will get the positive and all of the time we spent trying will just disappear in the excitement, but I just want it to be soon. I don't want to spend years trying, and I know that's how it works out for a lot of gay couples.


This is Jamie now. I am just sad. It makes it harder that my friends who have recently gotten married are posting news about expecting babies...some with the same due dates we would have had from the first round of trying. We don't have an endless supply of swimmers. I don't think he really understands how much planning it takes on my part to make sure we have the perfect environment for that ONE try we get for that month. I just wish the communication was better...I mean I pretty much just wasted a month's worth of OPKs. I will continue temping to confirm that I did O. Next month I will temp just enough to confirm O again, because I don't want to just stop. I can't. I will keep taking my prenatals...and I will keep tracking signs. But, we won't try again until at least January...it would be too difficult trying to plan around the holidays. Even January may not work out with timing on my end...

I am frustrated. I remember reading these same frustrated posts on others' blogs. Reading the same frustrations. Feeling sorry for those couples. Hoping that would never be us...and I know. I know we are literally still in the very beginning of this journey (4 months since we started trying), but nobody wants to hit this road block. We have one kit left...after we use that kit we have to make a decision to have a serious discussion with our KD about making us a priority for those few days, or we move on to frozen sperm from a bank. Neither of us really wants to go the bank route just yet. It seems so impersonal. How can we feel comfortable not really knowing the person that makes up half of our baby? How can we trust they didn't just make up a story for their profile? How am I supposed to be ok knowing that frozen sperm isn't always the best bet...and we'd be paying lots of money, for...not the best bet? What do we say to our child when they ask about their dad? Oh sweetheart he is #2358 from so & so. I know this is more than ok for some couples, some prefer that, and more power to you. It just isn't what we had planned for us. For our family. We are ok with having two moms and a dad who lives in California...we were both ready for that family.

This forced break will definitely give us time to talk about everything. Save up some money for the possibility of a sperm bank purchase. Read up on using frozen sperm. I am not ready to go this route...but I can get ready. We aren't giving up this easily, duh! I just wanted the perfect little new normal family. It can still work out, I know that. I know that it is possible for us to look back at this post and laugh...even in January or February, after we get a BFP. Saying "man we were real worry warts for a hot minute there." It is the power of positive thinking. And timing. And charting. And being healthy. And.....all kinds of other things :)

For now though, I need to be sad. I need to be disappointed. And I need to be ok with these feelings...so we can move on, and make a new plan.

I apologize for the lengthy post, it was something we both needed to get out...so there it is.

And we're out.

I knew we were too early with the insemination this time. I even told our KD as soon as I have you ship it out Friday my body will decide to ovuLATE...literally. & that's basically what happened. So, our plan is to take a chance and wait until I actually surge (or wait until that 2nd line is almost as dark as the first one) to have him ship it out. According to FF that will be 2 weeks from today...man it would be much easier if we were in the same state.

I have a feeling that Fertilitea worked its magic thickening up my lining. These cramps are mean and they are making me mean. Anyway, I need to get past the sad & onto the planning stage again. Court and I are certain once we get the timing down, we will be done with this part for at least 9 months. I just can't wait to be at that point.

Now that I am all bleedy and everything, we are going to ride roller coasters at Dollywood very soon. They have the prettiest seasonal decorations, and it is the perfect temperature to be outside all day. Of course my allergies don't agree with that, but it's ok.

It is busy season for me at work again, which is great...I'm not sitting at my desk all day reading everything I can about babies and how to get one in my uterus. HA who am I kidding, of course I make time for those things.

Speaking of work, I need to get back to drinking my day-old coffee and making horrid faces every time it hits my tastebuds...but I'm tired, I do crazy things to keep from being tired.

Good day All.

All Aboard!!

This weekend was so so gloomy!! I am not looking forward to this winter, unless of course there is snow. If there is snow, I'll be a happy camper...not that I'll be camping, but I will be happy :)

The package arrived as scheduled Saturday morning, we put it in the refridgerator until after we ran some errands and knew we would be in for the night. We knew after reading it should be no problem to have the swimmers wait a little longer. Everything went off without a hitch Saturday night, and now we wait!

This TWW we plan to be pretty low key about it all, only my mom and aunt Carol know we tried -I also told them baby questions are off limits for two weeks...I'm so glad they are understanding and don't take offense to me being so blunt- I don't feel like I could be letting anyone down this go around (I know I didn't let anybody down last time...its just how my brain works). I already feel less stressed this time. My plan is to completely forget that we even inseminated Saturday. No symptom checking, no early testing. Just living our life :) Should be easy, right!!

Because I am so in tune with my body, I know I ovulated early this morning...right on time. I should start to see my temps rise tomorrow. I'm really glad we opted for Satuday delivery, because tomorrow would be too late.

Today is my younger brother's birthday! We drove up to McCloud Restaurant for an early birthday celebration yesterday. We all had a great time and enjoyed the company. It was really cloudy and cold when we first arrived, but after we had lunch it started to clear up and the sun started to shine, so that was pretty perfect!!

Courtney and I kind of went crazy with buying movie tickets from Half Off Depot and Groupon...so I think we will be seeing lots of movies these next few months :) What can I say? I can't pass up a good deal!! Anywayyyy....we are driving down to GA to visit some friends Friday evening & then we are going to the ATL Pride Parade Sunday afternoon (I've never been to any pride event, ever, so this should be entertaining). I think having the weekend to look forward to will help keep my brain occupied :)

I guess that's really all for now...keep your fingers and toes crossed that we will be sane enough to make it through this TWW effortlessly!!

OH YEAH!!! Fence Pictures!!!!

SO incredibly happy with the finished product!! It looks GREAT & Charlie loves not having to be on her leash to go outside every single time...she can run so fast! I feel safer with the finished fence and gates and no holes. It is such a relief...now we just have to pay off the Home Depot card within 24 months to avoid paying interest :)

Ok now, that's all!

Lots of Excitement

There is lots of excitement at the Brazelton house this week!!

Court became a licensed resident of the beautiful state of TN today, we had materials delivered this morning for the new fence that should be installed on Wednesday or Thursday, Presidential Debates start Wednesday (I'm officially old), and the insemination is scheduled for Saturday (unless this fertilitea bumps that up), we also have a Subaru service appointment - this is probably going to be our favorite, because I told Courtney we could test drive some cars (just for fun Mom!!) and drive down to Puppy Zone to play while we wait (again just for fun Mom!!).

We are also Fallsifying (see what I did there?) the house with crafts found on the amazing Pinterest. We each made cute little wreaths, we have some letters to finish painting, there is going to be a scaryish scene set up out front, and spider webs...Courtney loves spider webs -not the real ones- on the mail box.

The leaves are beginning to change and there is a cool crisp feeling in the air...I LOVE it. I don't remember this part last year, I think it went from Summer to Winter. No nice transition. One of the best things about TN is the 4 full seasons...usually...& the colors! Oh the colors of fall, they are going to be great this year!!

A friend of mine, who is an awesome photographer, recently asked if Courtney & I would mind helping fill out her portfolio...duh, of course not!! Everyone is just a tiny bit vain, and likes to have their photos taken every now and then :) &&& She is going to give us the full disk for FREE. She wants to have some same-sex engagement photos, and here we are a couple of girls who so happen to be engaged, and we are just pretty cute so it all works out. It gave us an excuse to go buy a couple matchy shirts and figure out some coordinating outfits...we are excited about it all!! I am pretty honored she asked us to help her out. We have been thinking about hiring someone for a while to take some pictures of us because the only ones we really have are at an arms distance. Nothing fancy. Now we will have something to put in all the empty frames I have hanging out at the house :)

I think that is all I have for now....Next post should be some before/after shots of our fence! Hooray :)