Liebster Blog Award(s)!!!

I am honored that our blog was nominated (TWICE!) for the Liebster Award :) How sweet are my readers?!

**The Liebster Blog Award is given to bloggers by bloggers. It is a way to acknowledge each other and say "you're doing a great job". It is for blogs with 200 or less followers, so it's also a great way to spread the word about smaller blogs and get them more readers and followers!
Answer questions, then nominate 10 more bloggers & have them answer my questions.**

I have been slacking lately, partially because I haven't had anything to report babywise, and partially because I was angry about the first part. BUT, this is a great reason to get back to it!! I am going to answer the questions from Lexi & Sarah first, then I will answer LoveShackBaby's questions. This might be a lengthy post, but hopefully it will be fun to read :)

Questions from L&S: 

1. What is your favorite season and why?

I'm gonna have to pick two seasons, I know that's half the year, but its ok :) Fall & Spring- its the colors! I LOVE the colors of both these seasons.

2. What is something you cant live without?

I can't live with out chapstick. OR hand lotion. I hate dry skin/chapped lips.

3. If you could vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

I think I would have to say Italy. It is someplace I have always wanted to visit, and I love pizza :)

4. If given the ability to change one thing in this world what would you choose?

I would change people's attitudes about equality. Everyone Everywhere deserves to be treated equally.

5. Do you have any regrets in life?

I wish I spent more time with my grandma.

6. Why did you start blogging?

I started this blog to document our story for our future child(ren). I have always had some interest in blogging, however, my aunt Carol actually printed off this massive binder of my blog from my senior year in high school...oh how things have changed!

7. What is your best trait?

Best trait? I can talk to a wall. Really, I think I can find common ground with anyone, and we can strike up a conversation for hours.

8. What is your worst trait?

Talking for hours ;) No, I think my worst trait is my temper. I am learning patience little by little.

9. What is your best childhood memory?

There are so many, but the one that stands out today is The Talking Tree. All the grandkids have sat in the talking tree. It's this big tree in my grandparents' front yard...that has the perfect branches to climb and hide and play on. When it is filled with leaves you can hardly see who's in it, I guess that's where the name came from, because it seemed like the tree was talking :)

10. Who are 3 people you would love to have dinner with (living or dead)?

Ellen DeGeneres, Courtney's mother Connie and Walt Disney 

11. Who is someone you miss?

My grandma.

Now, onto LoveShackBaby's questions:

1. What is your favorite thing to blog about?

My favorite thing to blog about is BABY news :) I love to write about our next steps and exciting news helping us get one step closer to our baby!

2. What are your feelings about dogs sleeping in bed with their owners?
Well, I have mixed feeling about this...because Charlie sleeps with us, even though she has a nice comfy bed on the floor (& that is where we'd prefer her sleep).

3. What is your favorite memory ages 13-16?
I would have to say meeting one of my good pals Lee, we met through a children's choir when I was 13. She is like my little sister, we had some of the best times together & to this day she holds a special piece of my heart!

4. Could you see yourself as a life coach?
I do give out some pretty good advice...and I like to think I'm a good listener, so I'd say I could give it a go!

5. Are you looking forward to anything in particular in 2013?
Starting back TTC in January, and the possibility of a 2013 baby :)

6. What is a must-have in your kitchen?
Non-stick EVERYTHING.

7. Favorite mode of transportation?
I love the Subway, I know I know...I live in small(ish) town TN where Public Transit might as well be non-existent, but when I have traveled to major cities I have always enjoyed the underground, the L, the Subway, the Tube...its always great :)

8. Have you ever had a nickname that you really hated?
I really can't think of any name that's bothered me...

9. What was your happiest moment today?
Receiving our Christmas Cards from Shutterfly in the mail!!

10. Would you rather decorate handmade cards or cut out snowflakes?
Handmade Cards, I'm too ADHD to cut snowflakes....well pretty ones at least.


My Nominations: I'm sure some of these have been nominated already, but that's ok :)
1. Ashley: She is an inspiration through some of the tough times, even when she feels like she is just complaining, she is strong!
2. NonFatCaramel: This is a spunky couple all the way from England, sharing their successes and sorrows.
3. Jessica: I am keeping everything crossed for this sweet sweet couple going through the long adoption process!
4. Nadine: It is so fun to read this blog, she translates each post for friends and family back home!
5. T&A: T just gave birth to the cutest little girl with SO much hair! I think she has more than me until I was 3 years old :)
6. W&E: They have a sweet little girl, and now they are ready for #2!
7. Doug & Bill: This is a couple of dads with their new addition to their family, through surrogacy.
8. Lex: I love that she doesn't sugarcoat some things others might.
9. Mommy & Mum: They are in the beginning stages of TTC. I can't wait to share the ride!
10. Shells: They are expecting a baby boy in just a couple months!

Questions for my nominees:
1. What is something you are proud of?
2. What is your favorite Holiday tradition?
3. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
4. How do you de-stress?
5. What is your Favorite Disney movie?
6. Who is your biggest influence & why?
7. How far have you traveled from home?
8. Which book would you recommend?
9. Who would you travel to the moon with?
10. What is your dream car?

Have fun!!

The Frustration Post

I think it's safe to say that Jamie and I both believe in fate in a way. Maybe in a sense of karma.. if you put good things out into the universe good will come back to you. I keep trying to tell her that it is our fate to have a baby, but maybe just not right this second. Maybe January.. or February.. or whenever.

Things with our known donor are just not working out like we both anticipated they would. I feel bad saying this because he is one of Jamie's good friends, but I'm disappointed in him. Yes we've had two tries, but we have also been let down twice now. I know that this is a process and that we're asking him to take time out of his day to do his business and go to UPS and make a shipment and that's definitely not his obligation, BUT he has said more than once that he wants to help with this. Making a baby is no small ordeal. It's complicated and takes a lot of work and, most of all, it means a lot.. so I guess I just don't understand how we can get an email late in the day he is supposed to send us a shipment saying that it turns out he doesn't have time to send it.

It's very discouraging, more so for Jamie than me because she's going to be carrying the baby. She feels more of a connection to this child already. While I'm very excited to have a baby, she is already putting in the work for it so I can't imagine her disappointment when things don't work out. I'm trying to stay positive for the both of us, though. I'm trying to tell her that maybe right now just isn't our time and maybe that's the way that it was intended to be. Maybe we'll have our time soon and that will be what is perfect for us, but I'm starting to feel like I'm trying to convince myself. I guess maybe we just need some reassurance that this will happen and that we don't need to give up. I know one day it will work and we will get the positive and all of the time we spent trying will just disappear in the excitement, but I just want it to be soon. I don't want to spend years trying, and I know that's how it works out for a lot of gay couples.


This is Jamie now. I am just sad. It makes it harder that my friends who have recently gotten married are posting news about expecting babies...some with the same due dates we would have had from the first round of trying. We don't have an endless supply of swimmers. I don't think he really understands how much planning it takes on my part to make sure we have the perfect environment for that ONE try we get for that month. I just wish the communication was better...I mean I pretty much just wasted a month's worth of OPKs. I will continue temping to confirm that I did O. Next month I will temp just enough to confirm O again, because I don't want to just stop. I can't. I will keep taking my prenatals...and I will keep tracking signs. But, we won't try again until at least January...it would be too difficult trying to plan around the holidays. Even January may not work out with timing on my end...

I am frustrated. I remember reading these same frustrated posts on others' blogs. Reading the same frustrations. Feeling sorry for those couples. Hoping that would never be us...and I know. I know we are literally still in the very beginning of this journey (4 months since we started trying), but nobody wants to hit this road block. We have one kit left...after we use that kit we have to make a decision to have a serious discussion with our KD about making us a priority for those few days, or we move on to frozen sperm from a bank. Neither of us really wants to go the bank route just yet. It seems so impersonal. How can we feel comfortable not really knowing the person that makes up half of our baby? How can we trust they didn't just make up a story for their profile? How am I supposed to be ok knowing that frozen sperm isn't always the best bet...and we'd be paying lots of money, for...not the best bet? What do we say to our child when they ask about their dad? Oh sweetheart he is #2358 from so & so. I know this is more than ok for some couples, some prefer that, and more power to you. It just isn't what we had planned for us. For our family. We are ok with having two moms and a dad who lives in California...we were both ready for that family.

This forced break will definitely give us time to talk about everything. Save up some money for the possibility of a sperm bank purchase. Read up on using frozen sperm. I am not ready to go this route...but I can get ready. We aren't giving up this easily, duh! I just wanted the perfect little new normal family. It can still work out, I know that. I know that it is possible for us to look back at this post and laugh...even in January or February, after we get a BFP. Saying "man we were real worry warts for a hot minute there." It is the power of positive thinking. And timing. And charting. And being healthy. And.....all kinds of other things :)

For now though, I need to be sad. I need to be disappointed. And I need to be ok with these feelings...so we can move on, and make a new plan.

I apologize for the lengthy post, it was something we both needed to get out...so there it is.